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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Finally Takes Down Last Year’s Christmas Cards Just as This Year’s Start to Arrive

December 2, 2025

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Mrs. Erin Janzen of Mountain Lake has finally begun to take down last year’s Christmas cards just as soon as the first batch of new ones have arrived. “It’s a painful decision, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Have No Place to Store their Crokinole Pieces After Crown Royal Plant Shuts Down

December 1, 2025

ST. CATHERINES, ON Thousands of Mennonites across Ontario have joined Premier Doug Ford in dumping all the Crown Royal they weren’t intending on drinking anyway. “I use it for cooking or medicinal purposes only,” said […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Sect Heads to Toronto to Await the Rapture
    February 25, 2019
  • Two Groups That Absolutely Hate Each Other and Disagree on Nearly Everything Both Say They’re “Christians”
    September 16, 2022
  • Unmarried Couple Caught Holding Hymnal Together
    May 15, 2018

Unger & Thirst

  • Dill Harvest Early this Year
    July 2, 2025
  • iPhone Severely Damaged After Spending Afternoon in Pocket Full of Zoat
    April 23, 2025
  • Mennonite Woman Tries to Pass Off Blueberry Pie as Saskatoon Pie
    June 30, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • A Complete List of Jokes that Won’t Get You Cancelled These Days
    September 18, 2025
  • Carney Enlists the Amish to Address Canada’s Housing Crisis
    September 14, 2025
  • Doug Ford Dumps Out Entire Crown Royal Bag Full of Scrabble Tiles
    September 3, 2025

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mistletoe Creates Awkward Moments at Mennonite Family Gathering
    December 27, 2016
  • Mennonites Totally Unaffected By Spike in Gas Prices
    March 10, 2022
  • Retired ‘Main Street Cruiser’ to Become ‘Sunday Driver’
    October 23, 2017
  • Outreach Event Fails After Toronto Mennonite Church Hosts Actual Blue Jay Watching Party
    October 8, 2022

Trending

  • Chaos Erupts in Church After Pastor Calls for Hymn 67
    November 23, 2025
  • Mennonite Man Opens Southern Manitoba’s Largest Aura Farm
    November 22, 2025
  • Mennonite Woman Concerned She Might Be Anglican
    November 21, 2025
  • Winnipeg Couple Embark on Arduous High-Altitude Expedition to Second Balcony of Burton Cummings Theatre
    November 20, 2025

Unger Suspicion

  • Local Mom Sentenced to Three Years Watching ‘Peppa Pig’
    February 26, 2018
  • Hardworking Family of Russian Mennonites Offers to Replace UK in the European Union
    June 23, 2016
  • Steinbachers Line Up on Main Street to Watch Drag Show
    July 5, 2025
  • Ottawa Senators Attendance Way Up this Year
    April 12, 2021
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Winnipeg Jets Plan to Lose Every Game Until Hellebuyck Comes Back

November 30, 2025

McGill Cuts Beloved Crokinole Team

November 28, 2025

Mennonites Demand Release of the Epsteinbach Files

November 27, 2025

Lack of Snow Deludes Winnipeg Man Into Thinking He Doesn’t Need a Parka

November 26, 2025

Local Dad Gets Full Time Job Carting His Kids Around to Sports

November 25, 2025

Unger Games

  • Winnipeg Jets Plan to Lose Every Game Until Hellebuyck Comes Back
    November 30, 2025
  • McGill Cuts Beloved Crokinole Team
    November 28, 2025
  • Local Dad Gets Full Time Job Carting His Kids Around to Sports
    November 25, 2025
  • Winnipeg Man to Host Grey Cup Party and Cheer for Nobody
    November 16, 2025
  • 20-Knipser Pileup Just Outside Blumenort
    November 9, 2025

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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