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Unger the Influence

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids. “The kids just love video games,” […]

Unger Suspicion

FIFA Awards Donald Trump Nobel Prize for Literature

October 8, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after Canadian poet Anne Carson was announced as the winner of the 2026 Nobel Prize for Literature, a furious Donald Trump took to social media to announce his displeasure. “They’re out to […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Usher Duct Tapes Unruly Parishioner to Church Pew
    August 12, 2021
  • Which Steinbach Church Has the Best Coffee?
    May 3, 2017
  • New Study Shows Mennonites Feel 6% More Guilt Than Catholics
    October 2, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • ‘Hands that Have Prepared It’ Feel Extra Blessed
    April 18, 2018
  • Why Canada is Unlocking Its Vault of Rogers Golden Syrup
    December 2, 2021
  • Mennonite Man is Literally ‘Older than Sliced Bread’
    March 11, 2021

Unger the Influence

  • Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign
    July 28, 2026
  • Vandals Caddyshack the Reflecting Pool
    June 26, 2026
  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Couple Notices “Chastity” Sign Just 20 Minutes Too Late
    May 13, 2022
  • No Picture
    Mennonite Man Moves Back and Forth Between Canada and Mexico a Record 37 Times in a Single Week
    July 18, 2022
  • Learn the Meaning Behind Your Common Mennonite First Name (Men’s List)
    April 14, 2017
  • Mennonite Population Completely Unaffected by Global Cyberattack
    May 15, 2017

Trending

  • AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About
    September 27, 2026
  • Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan
    September 26, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”
    September 22, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • White House Running Critically Low on Toilet Paper and Bleach
    October 6, 2020
  • Gentlemen’s Club Shockingly Bereft of Any Gentlemen
    November 24, 2024
  • Local Band Royal Canoe to be Knighted by Queen Elizabeth II
    June 15, 2016
  • Toronto Argos Celebrate Victory with Reception in Mennonite Church Basement
    November 21, 2022
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Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba

October 7, 2026

British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For

October 6, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season

October 5, 2026

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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