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Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite women were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

Unger Conviction

  • Missionaries Discover New Position
    January 13, 2017
  • General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren
    August 17, 2026
  • Mennonite Church Seeks to End Drinking or Driving
    August 18, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Caf-Lib a Top Seller at Hip New Mennonite Coffee Shop
    November 2, 2018
  • O’Toole Offers Mennonites Half Off at Chicken Chef
    September 11, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Excommunicated After Washing Grandma’s Cast-Iron Skillet
    September 8, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026
  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German
    July 28, 2017
  • Schekjbenjel to Marry Malkmäakjskhe
    November 27, 2017
  • Early Results Show Mennonite Pastor in Commanding Lead
    November 8, 2016
  • 8 Mennonite Families from Mexico Establish New Colony on Moon
    April 1, 2026

Trending

  • Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins
    September 20, 2026
  • Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour
    September 19, 2026
  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026
  • Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings
    September 17, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Quiz: What Do You Know About Quakers?
    January 16, 2018
  • Manitoba Government Rebrands Spring Break as ‘Winter Break Part 2’
    March 25, 2022
  • Brian Pallister Sends Out Emergency Alert Warning Manitobans that He is Still Premier
    May 23, 2021
  • ‘Tin Foil Hats Over Masks’ Group to Stage Massive Protest
    January 17, 2021
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AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

Unger Games

  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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