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Unger & Thirst

Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth

September 17, 2025

TORONTO, ON The resigned packaging for a popular brand of throat lozenges features new “easy to open packaging” that cannot be opened without your teeth. “We’ve specially designed this package to be shred open with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

September 16, 2025

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Child Forced to Miss ‘Wonderful World of Disney’ to Attend Evening Service
    June 18, 2021
  • Church Puppets Shock Congregation by Appearing Completely Naked
    November 5, 2019
  • Mennonite Church’s Shocking Peace Plan Revealed in Group Chat
    March 26, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Canadians Gorge on Turkey While Millions of Americans Starve
    October 10, 2016
  • Municipality Approves the Sale of Hash Brownies at Church Bake Sales
    November 9, 2017
  • Local Mom Super Excited About Her Brand New Set of ‘Mennonite Tupperware’
    June 22, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Alberta Introduces New “School-Appropriate” Bibles Without ‘Song of Solomon’
    July 11, 2025
  • TSA Will No Longer Require Mennonites to Remove Socks and Sandals
    July 10, 2025
  • Epstein Files Discovered at Local Thrift Store
    July 9, 2025

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Couple Spends Entire Vacation at Timeshare Presentation
    January 23, 2024
  • CEO Caught With Mennonite Woman In His Arms
    July 18, 2025
  • Mennonites Stage Production of ‘The Nutcracker’ Without All the Dancing
    December 28, 2023
  • Hilarious New Show Features Leading Anabaptist Scholars in ‘Drunk Mennonite History’
    October 21, 2020

Trending

  • An Artificial Intelligence Guide to Pronouncing Common Mennonite Surnames
    September 9, 2025
  • Encounter with Radiohead Song Sends Swiftie into Existential Crisis
    September 7, 2025
  • Man Stands Up During Q&A to Tell His Entire Life Story
    September 6, 2025
  • Rudy Wiebe Novel Shockingly Left Off Edmonton Banned Books List
    September 5, 2025

Unger Suspicion

  • Winnipeg Woman Breaks Longstanding Vow Never to Leave the City with Visit to Pool in Steinbach
    March 2, 2024
  • Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos
    May 3, 2021
  • Government Needs Your Help in Tracking Down Family of Asylum Seekers Who Crossed the Border Late Last Night
    June 20, 2018
  • Reluctant Steinbachers Lured into Winnipeg with Lower Gas Prices
    July 19, 2025
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Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

September 15, 2025

Carney Enlists the Amish to Address Canada’s Housing Crisis

September 14, 2025

Sticky Tack Holds Poster to Wall for Record 5 Minutes

September 12, 2025

Area Person Has Opinion About Issue

September 11, 2025

Frost Warning Issued for Friesen and Froese

September 9, 2025

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Woman to Participate in “Labour Day Classic”
    August 29, 2025
  • Outfield Completely Blanketed in Knackzoat After Winkler Man Makes Major Leagues
    August 10, 2025
  • Stanley Cup Playoffs to be Extended Well into July Next Year
    June 30, 2025
  • Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup
    June 28, 2025
  • Steinbacher Shocked at Lack of Honda Civics in New F1 Movie
    June 25, 2025

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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