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The Daily Bonnet

Trump to Fence Off the Border to Keep Out Canadian Smoke

July 18, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC President Donald Trump has just approved the expenditure of $81 billion to construct a wooden fence along the border to keep Canadian smoke from entering the country. “They’re not sending their best smoke, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Lucks Out With New Licence Plate

July 16, 2026

This is real. I know, I don’t report real news very often. A good Mennonite would never purchase a vanity plate, but, hey, when you can get one for free, why not? I guess we […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Vows Never Again to Ask English Prof to Read the Children’s Story
    October 26, 2022
  • Doily Proven to Be Authentic ‘Shroud of Menno Simons’
    August 24, 2024
  • Mennonite Church Hands Out Fidget Spinners to Keep People Alert During Boring Sermon
    June 4, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Local Woman Burns Hole In Her Tongue Eating Cinnamon Hearts
    February 14, 2019
  • Mennonite Man Sells Tomato Juice Miracle Cure
    June 16, 2017
  • Shutdown of Pipeline Affects Delivery of Schmaunt Fat Between Gretna and Winnipeg
    May 28, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Grandkids Horrified as Grandma Reimer Texts “I’m Mennonite AF”
    June 5, 2020
  • Matt Falk’s ‘That Mennonite Joke’ Rakes in Three Billion Dollars at the Box Office
    May 19, 2016
  • Mennonite Man Storms Out of Jazz Club, Claiming “Far Too Much Sax”
    November 16, 2017
  • Thousands of Mennonites ‘Conscientiously Object’ to Winter
    January 21, 2017

Trending

  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest
    July 9, 2026
  • World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat
    July 8, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year
    July 7, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Public Uproar As Thousands of Refugees Descend on Western Canada
    February 22, 2017
  • Santa’s Complete List of Naughty Mennonites
    December 23, 2017
  • New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire
    February 24, 2018
  • Timothéeee Chalamet Adds a Couple Extra E’s
    November 16, 2021
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Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again

July 15, 2026

Folk Fest Attendee Sells Spot in the Shade for $500 a Square Foot

July 14, 2026

Thousands of Canadians Flock to Mexico to Cool Off this Summer

July 13, 2026

Mennonite Women are Shedding their Düaks During Heat Wave

July 12, 2026

White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup

July 11, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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