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Unger Suspicion

Howard Lutnick Successfully Negotiates Massive $20 Billion Distraction From Epstein Island

August 22, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Just as negotiations between Canada and the US seemed like they were coming to a close, US Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick intervened at the last minute to create a massive $20 billion […]

Unger & Thirst

Canada Agrees To Allow American Booze But Only If It’s All Pappy Van Winkle

August 21, 2026

TORONTO, ON LCBO stores across Ontario were flooded with American booze this afternoon, with a shocking amount of high end bourbon. Apparently, Canadians insisted that if they were going to put American booze back on […]

Unger Conviction

  • Friesen Family Musical Ensemble Breaks Up
    November 26, 2018
  • Local Church Offers Pedicures During Foot Washing Service
    October 8, 2017
  • ‘Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow’ Reaches #1 on iTunes Chart Nearly 5 Centuries After its Release
    February 6, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Child Opens Lunch Box to Find a Lard Sandwich Yet Again Today
    May 10, 2019
  • Mrs. Friesen Rushes Inside to Avoid Freezing Her Buns
    December 4, 2025
  • Adorable Mennonite Child Becomes Millionaire Selling Chocolates to Old People
    March 25, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • More than a Dozen Friesens Found Frozen in Friedensruh
    February 27, 2018
  • Mennonite Farmer Caught Combining on a Sunday
    October 27, 2019
  • Winkler Man Discovers He’s Dead from the Funeral Announcements
    September 29, 2016
  • Mennonite Woman Buys Back Her Own Clothes at the MCC Store
    March 1, 2018

Trending

  • World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days
    August 13, 2026
  • Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service
    August 12, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup
    August 11, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s
    August 10, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Jennifer Aniston Doused in Schmaunt Fat on Set of ‘The Morning Show’
    August 8, 2024
  • Winnipeg Man Hospitalized After Dangerous Fall from Jets’ Bandwagon
    January 20, 2023
  • Steinbach Man Crashes into Giant Tiger
    December 7, 2023
  • Christians to Stop Killing Other Christians for at Least a Couple Minutes on Easter Sunday
    April 20, 2025
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Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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