Streets are So Empty that Mennonite Man Thinks He Missed the Rapture


Local man Mr. Loewen, 73, went for a Good Friday walk on Main Street Steinbach this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the greatest worry of his life.

Waut de schissjat? There isn’t a single person around!” said a worried Mr. Loewen. “Even Mr. Klassen wasn’t at his usual spot knacking zoat at the corner of Reimer and Main!”

It suddenly dawned on Mr. Loewen that maybe the rapture had occurred…and that he’d missed it!

Dietschlaund! I knew I should have been a more faithful tither!” said Mr. Loewen. “There isn’t a soul about…except for those young people who cruise up and down Main Street in their pickup trucks, but that makes sense I guess.”

As a regular evening service attendee, Mr. Loewen couldn’t figure out why he’d been missed the rapture, and decided to get to the bottom of it.

Jauma!” exclaimed Mr. Loewen. “I’ve been left behind! I guess I’m going to have to speak to the pastor about this.”

As it turns out, Pastor Johan wasn’t in his office, either, which had Mr. Loewen really perplexed.

“When Steinbach streets are empty, everyone should be worried,” said Mr. Loewen. “But when the pastor’s not in his office, I guess the end really has come! You know, I thought for sure he’d still be keeping regular office hours!”

Upon his return home, Mr. Loewen was relieved to discover his wife Martha had missed the rapture, too, and had a lovely ham waiting for him.

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