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Month: April 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Dolphins Return to Southern Manitoba for First Time in Centuries

April 30, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB A pod of playful dolphins was spotted in the Red River near Morris this week, the first time they’ve visited the area since Mennonite settlers arrived in the 1870s. “They’re cropping up everywhere,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Gives Husband Stunning New Haircut

April 29, 2020 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Not wanting to wait until the barber shop opens back up, local man Bill Fehr, 73, was so desperate for a haircut that he got his wife Lois to do it. The results […]

Unger & Thirst

Trump Orders Farmer Sausage Plants to Stay Open

April 28, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In an effort to make sure that Mennonites don’t starve, U.S. President Donald Trump issued an order Tuesday afternoon to make sure the nation’s farmer sausage supply is not hindered by the global […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Stores See Huge Surge in Mennonite Customers

April 27, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Now that it’s become de rigueur to wear face masks or lower-than-normal düaks all over the place, Mennonites have been venturing into establishments they never would have even considered back when they might […]

Unger Conviction

Church Considering July Return in Empty Arenas

April 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Church executives have been conducting closed-door meetings this week to hash out a five-step process to get church back up and running, possibly as soon as July. “We know that July is not […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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