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Unger Games

Unger & Thirst

Enhanced Games Allow Athletes to Use Summa Borscht

May 28, 2026 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV The inaugural Enhanced Games in Las Vegas this week will allow athletes from around the world to compete under the influence of summa borscht. “It’s the first of its kind to allow […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup

May 18, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG METRO REGION, MB The Winnipeg Metro Region Nighthawks have become just the fourth team in MJHL history to win the national championship. “We’re so proud of our team the Nighthawks,” said Winnipeg mayor Scott […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Games

Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh

May 6, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs were all excited about their victory in the NHL draft lottery this afternoon until they discovered they’d actually be picking 67th due to tariffs. “Ah, shoot,” said […]

Unger Games

Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville

April 5, 2026 Andrew

TABER, AB The local arena in Taber, Alberta is getting a major upgrade after winning Kraft Hockeyville this week. “We’ve been flooding the rink with leftover schmaunt fat for years,” said arena manager Susie Plett. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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