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Month: January 2019

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gets Out the Booster Cables After Horse Doesn’t Start

January 31, 2019 Andrew

VITA, MB After a bitter cold night with temperatures well below zero, Mr. Dueck’s entire team of horses just wouldn’t start in the morning. “Usually Martha reminds me to plug them in, but I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire Province of Manitoba ‘Moving to BC’

January 30, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a near record-setting cold snap, the entire province of Manitoba has decided to pack their bags and move in with the Doerksens of Abbotsford. “The Trans-Canada Highway going west is jam-packed,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Jennifer Lawrence to Star in ‘The Unger Games’

January 29, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Superstar Jennifer Lawrence is planning to take a break from her blockbuster career by staring in a small independent Mennonite film tentatively titled, ‘The Unger Games.’ “It was time I got back in […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Couple Plans ‘Nice, Warm, Tropical Vacation’ on Mars

January 28, 2019 Andrew

MARS After temperatures in Winnipeg drop below -30 degrees, local couple, Lois and Peter Doerksen, decided they “had enough of the cold” and are packing their bags and heading for the “balmy weather of Mars.” […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Guide to Those Mysterious Swiss Mennonites (for Russian Mennonites)

January 27, 2019 Andrew

I have to admit, as a Russian Mennonite, there’s a lot I don’t know about the Swiss. To those of us in Manitoba, the Swiss remain a mystery. After extensive research, the Daily Bonnet has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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