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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Conviction

  • United Church Totally Rips Off Mennonite Hymnal
    June 19, 2024
  • Faith Healer Offers Monthly Payment Plan
    January 10, 2025
  • Four-Part Harmony Slashed to Three After Recent Budget Cuts
    October 25, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Church Picnic Offers Delightful Array of Vegetarian Options
    July 9, 2022
  • Mennonite Child Found Four Days Later Still Searching for Easter Egg
    April 20, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Overdoses on Christmas Oranges
    December 26, 2016

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Study: ‘Not All Mennonites Are Dicks’
    August 13, 2018
  • Morden and Winkler Tired of Having to Share a Hospital
    September 16, 2019
  • Mennonite Woman to Play Evie’s ‘Come On, Ring Those Bells’ All Day Today
    December 23, 2019
  • Oba, That Mennonite Chiropractor Can Fix Everything Yet
    November 22, 2016

Trending

  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires
    May 4, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Winnipeg Jets Players Required to Sleep with Plastic Sheets on their Beds
    April 12, 2019
  • Churchill Polar Bears to Be Relocated to Southern Manitoba
    January 31, 2017
  • Canadians Forced to Winter in Canada this Year
    October 14, 2020
  • Devout American Christians Gather to Enthusiastically Worship False Idol Today
    July 4, 2020
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90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”

May 8, 2026

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026

Unger Games

  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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