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The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Unveils New Public Transit System

August 5, 2026

STEINBACH, MB The long wait is over as the City of Steinbach has finally unveiled a new ten year plan to improve the growing community’s public transportation infrastructure. The plan includes the licensing of guys […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Punishes Grandkids By Making Them Chew Thrills Gum

August 4, 2026

MITCHELL, MB Local grandma Mrs. Agnes Wiebe, 72, unleashed the harshest punishment known to Mennonites this week by making her misbehaving grandkids chew a piece of soap-flavoured Thrills gum for a full fifteen minutes. “I […]

Unger Conviction

  • Cellphone Ban Coming to Mennonite Churches this Fall
    August 15, 2024
  • College and Career Glow Bowling Event Results in Record Number of Hook-Ups
    October 20, 2016
  • Massive Usher Shortage Shuts Down Mennonite Church this Summer
    July 16, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Used Car Lot Offers Free Bucket of Schmaunt Fat with Every Test Drive
    January 11, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Shocked that No One Starved at Recent Gathering
    December 29, 2022
  • Schmaunt Fat Prices Soar to Record Highs
    June 20, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*
    September 27, 2025
  • Mennonites Really Excited About New Pfizer Product
    November 16, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Spends Entire Summer Sitting in Lawn Chair on Front Lawn Wearing Nothing but Gitch
    July 14, 2018
  • Mennonite Women are Shedding their Düaks During Heat Wave
    July 12, 2026

Trending

  • Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign
    July 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg’s Population Surpasses 850,000 Friesens
    July 27, 2026
  • Mennonite Family Wastes Entire Vacation Visiting Relatives
    July 26, 2026
  • Southern Manitoba Transitions from Agricultural-Based Economy to Wedding Venue-Based Economy
    July 25, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Mennonite Woman Selects Taylor Swift to Take Home Best Picture at the Grammy’s Tonight
    March 10, 2024
  • Man Stands Up During Q&A to Tell His Entire Life Story
    September 6, 2025
  • Under New Trudeau Law, All Christian Summer Camps to Be Turned into “Reeducation Camps”
    January 19, 2018
  • Gentlemen’s Club Shockingly Bereft of Any Gentlemen
    November 24, 2024
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Rhubarb Discovered on Mennonite Woman’s Vereniki

August 3, 2026

8 Women Show Up to Claim Prize After Mary Unrau’s Name Called in Raffle Draw

August 2, 2026

Jeff Bridges, John Goodman Reunite for ‘The Big Sawatzky’

August 1, 2026

Mr. Penner Flicks For Triple Word Score

July 31, 2026

Chihuahua Airport Offers New Lounge Just For Mennonite Grandmas

July 30, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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