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Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite women were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastor Arrested for ‘Baptizing Under the Influence’
    May 2, 2017
  • Mennonites Happy, Pentecostals Sad as Ontario Bans Dancing in Church
    June 21, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Wears His Very Best Carhartt to Church
    April 12, 2026

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Couple Covered in Flour After Things Get Frisky in the Kitchen
    December 6, 2018
  • Mennonite Food Critic Demands Larger Portions
    October 1, 2022
  • Custodian at Local Senior’s Home Can’t Get the Smell of Roll Kuchen Out of the Hallway
    September 13, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026
  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • How to Be a Performative Mennonite Male in 5 Easy Steps
    December 18, 2025
  • Frost Warning Issued for Friesen and Froese
    September 9, 2025
  • Mr. Penner Can’t Believe He’s Now in Charge of Walmart
    June 13, 2022
  • Typo Leads Ted Falk Supporters to TED Talk
    March 7, 2017

Trending

  • Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins
    September 20, 2026
  • Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour
    September 19, 2026
  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026
  • Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings
    September 17, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Canadian Woman’s Passport Expires Before It Even Arrives
    November 24, 2022
  • Steinbachers Line Up on Main Street to Watch Drag Show
    July 5, 2025
  • School’s Out! Back-to-School Shopping Begins!
    June 30, 2018
  • What Happens When a Mennonite Replies to an Email Scammer? (This is for Real)
    December 6, 2017
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AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

Unger Games

  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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