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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church to Pipe in Fake Crowd Noise
    February 25, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Gets Standing Ovation in Switzerland
    January 22, 2026
  • Mysterious Formations Appear on Church Parking Lot Overnight
    August 27, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • Area Woman Picks “Gross Onions” Off Her Burger while Devouring Her “Delicious Onion Rings”
    October 29, 2023
  • Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth
    September 17, 2025
  • Mennonite Man’s Been Using the Same McDonald’s Cup for the Past 15 Years
    March 5, 2025

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Local Couple Not Nearly as Rich as Huge Wad of Canadian Tire Money Suggests
    May 27, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Saves Thousands By Separating the Two-Ply
    April 8, 2018
  • NHL Teams Clamour to Sign Any Toews They Can
    July 2, 2022
  • Poll: Vote Now to Determine What the Daily Bonnet Should Write on Remembrance Day
    November 11, 2016

Trending

  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires
    May 4, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Biblical Fiery Furnace Located in Southern Manitoba
    June 20, 2022
  • King Charles Unveils Stunning New Portrait
    May 15, 2024
  • Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before
    January 4, 2020
  • John Tortorella Hires Mennonites to Shun Patrik Laine
    March 12, 2021
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90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”

May 8, 2026

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026

Unger Games

  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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