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Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites are barely surviving this summer after a shortage of cottage cheese has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but I’m just not sure how […]

Unger Suspicion

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Janzen impressed everyone in Leamington this afternoon after the ice maker on her brand new refrigerator lasted all the way to mid-week. “I’ve never seen such impressive performance,” said Mrs. Janzen. “Normally […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Man Earns Place in Heaven after Attending Evening Service
    February 25, 2017
  • Confused Out-of-Towners Attend Every Mennonite Church in Fort Garry
    December 10, 2017
  • Pastor to Defer $6800 Per Year in Unusual Arrangement with Local Mennonite Church
    December 14, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Creates Her Own Rhubarb-Flavoured Bubly
    May 24, 2024
  • Mennonite Couple Smashes Dragon’s Den Record with Roll Kuchen Company
    November 8, 2017
  • Alberta Man Votes to Stay in Canada After Discovering Honey Dill Sauce
    June 15, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonites: Are They Hippies or Hipsters?
    November 17, 2016
  • A Mennonite Guide to Card Games – Ranked in Order of Sinfulness
    November 15, 2016
  • Someone Put the Girl Filter on Famous Mennonites….
    May 15, 2019
  • The Hottest Christmas Present This Year? Children’s Advil
    December 13, 2022

Trending

  • Steinbach Unveils New Public Transit System
    August 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Grandma Punishes Grandkids By Making Them Chew Thrills Gum
    August 4, 2026
  • Rhubarb Discovered on Mennonite Woman’s Vereniki
    August 3, 2026
  • 8 Women Show Up to Claim Prize After Mary Unrau’s Name Called in Raffle Draw
    August 2, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • The Truth About Bert and Ernie Finally Revealed!
    September 20, 2018
  • Music Fans Celebrate as Ticketmaster Earns Zero Dollars this Month
    May 28, 2020
  • What Happens When a Mennonite Replies to an Email Scammer? (This is for Real)
    December 6, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Discovered Hidden Behind Her Englisher Husband’s Surname
    January 8, 2023
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Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service

August 12, 2026

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

August 11, 2026

Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s

August 10, 2026

Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line

August 9, 2026

Mennonites Fill Copper Wire Shortage By Stretching Pennies

August 8, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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