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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Shuns Snowman For Being ‘Immodestly Dressed’

March 27, 2026

PASTWA, MB A local snowman was shunned this week for setting a bad example for the young people of the congregation by dressing immodestly. “There he is out in the yard without any clothes on yet,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Cancels Netflix Over Lack of Fishing Shows

March 25, 2026

INWOOD, MB Area man Steve Driedger was under the mistaken impression that something called “Net Flix” would include a lot of fishing shows. “But alas, poor Yorick, there was nuscht,” said Driedger. “All it is […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Holds Potluck Via Zoom
    April 12, 2020
  • Bible School Expands ‘Six Inch Rule’ to ‘Six Foot Rule’
    March 15, 2020
  • Mennonite Couple Waits All Service to Finally Hear “You May Be Seated”
    February 8, 2022

Unger & Thirst

  • Panic Strikes Bible Camp After Tuck Shop Runs Out of Doritos and Pepsi
    July 31, 2019
  • Mennonite Grandma’s Vintage CorningWare Worth Millions and Millions of Dollars
    January 4, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Brings Inferior Zoat to Bonfire
    May 31, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • “Up is Down” and “Down is Up” New Report Suggests
    January 26, 2026
  • GTA Prepares for Largest Deposit of Snow Since the Rob Ford Administration
    January 25, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • The Seven Hottest Mennonite Sex Positions
    February 14, 2021
  • Caravan of Mennonites Heading for U.S. Border
    November 5, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Refuses to Watch ‘Women Talking’ but Really Loves ‘12 Angry Men’
    March 18, 2023
  • Midterm ‘Red Wave’ Turns Out To Be Nothing But Farmer Sausage
    November 11, 2022

Trending

  • Local Gas Station to Offer Free Kick in the Groin with Every Purchase
    March 18, 2026
  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Ben Heppner and Howard Dyck to Take on Timothee Chalamet in High Stakes Prize Fight
    March 16, 2026
  • Top 10 Mennonite Movies of the Year
    March 14, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Vinegar Feeling ‘Severely Neglected’ as Jason Kenney Spends All His Time on Oil
    June 1, 2019
  • Tories Target Mennonite Voters with Dutch Blitz-Themed Attack Ads
    October 2, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Starts Innovative New Jazz Label ‘EMC Records’ Guaranteed to Have No Sax
    January 8, 2024
  • Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness
    February 21, 2018
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Manitoba to Remove PST on Honey Dill Sauce, Premier Says

March 24, 2026

‘KPop Dueck Hunters’ Number One Movie on Mennonite Netflix

March 23, 2026

Mysterious Formations Appear on Church Parking Lot Overnight

March 21, 2026

Mennonite Man Buys Over a Million Dollars in Co-op Gas Just to Get a Huge Dividend Cheque

March 20, 2026

Strawberries Discovered on Mennonite Man’s Vereniki

March 19, 2026

Unger Games

  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026
  • American Victory Part of Chinese Government Plot to Get Canadians to Quit Playing Hockey
    February 26, 2026
  • Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal
    February 25, 2026
  • Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line
    February 24, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again
    February 23, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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