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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Celebrate Valentine’s Day By Ordering the Cheapest Thing on the Menu

February 13, 2026

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Rempels of Abbotsford plant to celebrate Valentine’s Day in style this weekend by ordering the very cheapest items on the menu at Ricky’s. “Oba, I guess no Brekkie-bowl for me,” said Mrs. […]

Unger the Influence

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island

February 11, 2026

WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Accountability Group Keeps Men From Saying Stupid Stuff on the Internet
    April 2, 2019
  • Colicky Baby Jesus Completely Ruins Living Nativity
    December 18, 2016
  • Mennonite Church Features First Air Conditioned Sanctuary in Town
    July 25, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee
    January 7, 2024
  • Mennonites Excited as Masks are Finally Being Handed Out at the Liquor Store
    January 14, 2022
  • Southeast Event Centre Introduces New Slogan: Fuelled by Formavorscht
    January 11, 2025

Unger the Influence

  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Caught Shopping on a Sunday
    July 13, 2017
  • Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City
    June 30, 2022
  • Mennonite Career Fair Offers Two Options: Preacher or Farmer
    January 27, 2021
  • Mennonite Man with Pickup Truck Constantly Asked to Help Move
    May 25, 2019

Trending

  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026
  • Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina
    January 31, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • U.S. Capitol to Be Replaced with One Massive Banana Republic
    January 7, 2021
  • Oilers Blow 6 Goal Lead, Lose 8-7
    May 7, 2017
  • New Olympic-size Swimming Pool Opens in Winnipeg
    April 13, 2023
  • Hutterite Colony Selected as New Amazon Headquarters
    September 15, 2017
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Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026

Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters

February 9, 2026

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show

February 8, 2026

Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses

February 6, 2026

Minnesota to be Renamed ‘Manitoba South’

February 3, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters
    February 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show
    February 8, 2026
  • Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses
    February 6, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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