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The Daily Bonnet

Area Man Really Digging this Dave Brubeck They’re Playing While He’s On Hold

November 10, 2026

KITCHENER, ON After Travelocity messed up his travel plans this spring break, area man Dave Martin of Kitchener was relieved that he’d at least get to spend the next 9 hours on hold listening to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Farm Boy to Fill In For Connor Hellebuyck Tonight

November 10, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB After apparently being absolutely petrified of playing in Winnipeg tonight, New Jersey Devils goalie Connor Hellebyuck will instead be eating a Jets Dog from the stands while little Timmy Wiebe of the Rosenort […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Attendance “Way Up” in Calgary as Flames Threaten to Leave Town
    January 26, 2018
  • Local Congregation Installs Gender Neutral Church Pews
    July 12, 2016
  • Mennonite Pastor Does ‘The Dab’ During Responsive Reading
    June 4, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Farmer Sausage Recipe Calls for 30 to 50 Feral Hogs
    August 7, 2019
  • Which Mennonite Grandma is the Best Cook?
    May 16, 2017
  • Stanley Cup to be Filled with Rogers Golden Syrup this Year
    June 13, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • White House Reinstates Day to Honour Guy Who Directed ‘Home Alone’
    October 13, 2026
  • Albertans to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Separation
    October 11, 2026
  • Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids
    October 10, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Facebook Bans Mennonite Ladies from Posting Pictures of Flowers
    August 24, 2016
  • Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’
    August 18, 2022
  • Andrew Unger Slowly Becoming Rudy Wiebe
    April 9, 2022
  • Mennonite Couple Spends Romantic Date Night at Peavey Mart
    April 20, 2024

Trending

  • Winnipeg Man Absolutely Exhausted Due to Lack of Time Change
    November 3, 2026
  • Winkler to Set Clocks One Hour Ahead of Morden
    November 1, 2026
  • Winnipeg Couple Dress as Country’s Scariest Creature: Canada Geese
    October 31, 2026
  • Mennonite Couple Make Sure to Eat at Home Before Jets Game
    October 30, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Conspiracy Nut Launches Rocket to Prove Steinbach is Flat
    December 4, 2017
  • Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs
    May 20, 2018
  • Reluctant Steinbachers Lured into Winnipeg with Lower Gas Prices
    July 19, 2025
  • NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets
    November 24, 2016
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Angry Winnipeggers Demand Local Restaurant Installs Giant Animatronic Mouse to Entertain the Kids

November 9, 2026

Steinbachers Starve for Lack of Fast Food Chains

November 8, 2026

Wab Kinew Accidentally Sets Manitoba on Permanent Summer

November 7, 2026

Mennonite Man Takes 28 Years to Walk from Winkler to Morden

November 5, 2026

Historic Comeback Gives Winnipeg Jets Control of House and Senate

November 4, 2026

Unger Games

  • Historic Comeback Gives Winnipeg Jets Control of House and Senate
    November 4, 2026
  • Mennonite Couple Make Sure to Eat at Home Before Jets Game
    October 30, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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