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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

September 3, 2026

MOOSOMIN, SK Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass a semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. “I figured he was going 100,” said Bob, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Anne Loewen, 71, was in the greatest existential crisis of her life this Saturday afternoon after encountering bags of frozen potato and cheddar perogies alongside the cottage cheese perogies she’s used […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour
    July 3, 2021
  • Top 10 Most Amazing Mennonite Albums Found at the Local MCC Store
    November 24, 2021
  • Mennonite Hymn Reaches #1 After Inclusion on ‘Stranger Things’
    April 10, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party
    April 21, 2017
  • Server Stops By to Ask if Everything’s Tasting Good So Far Just as Area Man Takes Final Bite
    April 20, 2026
  • ‘Wurst’ Turns Out to Be the ‘Best’
    June 17, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Hippies Mistake Steinbach’s Summer Festival for Woodstock
    June 18, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Begrudgingly Signs Up for Sportsnet So He Can Watch the Jets Game
    April 10, 2019
  • The Most Popular Daily Bonnet Articles of 2020
    December 31, 2020
  • Mennonite Man’s Entire Sense of Self-Worth Wrapped Up in His 14-in-1 Leatherman Multi-Tool
    December 30, 2022

Trending

  • Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario
    August 26, 2026
  • Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him
    August 25, 2026
  • Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes
    August 24, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven
    August 23, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • A Glossary of Pennsylvania Dutch Profanity
    November 22, 2017
  • Brave Kangaroo Carries Mennonite Tourists to Safety
    July 19, 2017
  • Djokovic Teams Up With Oma Krahn for Mixed Doubles Tournament
    January 18, 2022
  • Dating Couple to Spend Romantic Evening Basking in the Aroma of the Maple Leaf Plant
    November 18, 2025
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Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden

August 29, 2026

Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess

August 28, 2026

Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants

August 27, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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