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Unger & Thirst

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026

KANSAS CITY, MO World Cup fans from across the globe are coming home with a lot more than just the satisfaction of watching the Americans get absolutely destroyed by Belgium; they’re also discovering a delicious […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026

CHILLIWACK, BC Area woman Doris Reimer, 74, has planted a lovely array of daisies and dillweed this year, but has struggled to keep the weeds and AI data centres out of her garden. “I’m out […]

Unger Conviction

  • 9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature
    August 4, 2016
  • Mennonite Usher Duct Tapes Unruly Parishioner to Church Pew
    August 12, 2021
  • Faith Healer Offers Monthly Payment Plan
    January 10, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Man Charged with Distracted Driving for Knacking Zoat Behind the Wheel
    April 6, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Defeats Baptist Man in Drinking Contest
    August 9, 2020
  • Mennonite Couple Can’t Figure Out Whether to Go to Winkler or Morden Chicken Chef
    May 17, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Tractor Trek Takes Wrong Turn and Ends Up in Downtown Winnipeg
    June 9, 2024
  • Friesens Blamed for Manitoba’s Harsh Winters
    November 28, 2024
  • Small Town Residents Gather to Gawk at Mini Cooper
    November 10, 2016
  • Manitoba’s Most Progressive Mennonite Man Moves His Clock Forward an Hour
    March 10, 2019

Trending

  • Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early
    July 1, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026
  • Taco Bell Unveils New Logo
    June 29, 2026
  • Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki
    June 28, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Tucker Carlson to Mennonite Men: “Make Sure to Smoke Your Sausage”
    April 23, 2022
  • NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets
    November 24, 2016
  • This Year’s Stanley Cup to be Awarded to NHL’s Most Deserving Fans
    March 26, 2020
  • A Review of Various Ungers
    January 29, 2023
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FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026

Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net

July 5, 2026

Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List

July 4, 2026

Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls

July 3, 2026

Area Man Has No Idea His AI-Generated Poster is a Total Shit Show

July 2, 2026

Unger Games

  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026
  • Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki
    June 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg Jets Select Björk in First Round
    June 27, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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