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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Permanently Trapped in New Landmark Roundabout

May 19, 2026

LANDMARK, MB Landmark woman Mrs. Plett (of course) was eager to try out the new roundabout just as construction is beginning and has already gotten herself trapped in a never ending loop. “This doesn’t bode […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup

May 18, 2026

WINNIPEG METRO REGION, MB The Winnipeg Metro Region Nighthawks have become just the fourth team in MJHL history to win the national championship. “We’re so proud of our team the Nighthawks,” said Winnipeg mayor Scott […]

Unger Conviction

  • Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water
    July 9, 2018
  • Millions Show Up for Mennonite Church Service in Upstate New York
    August 15, 2019
  • Mennonite Church Suspends Man 41 Weeks for Using Playing Cards
    October 28, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Man Meets His Buddies at the Pub for a Few Pints
    August 17, 2019
  • Drones to Deliver Cheese Curds to Area Residents
    June 27, 2016
  • Mrs. Friesen’s Plumi Moos Now 100% Mouse Free
    December 21, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • How to Slide into a Mennonite Woman’s DMs
    August 7, 2025
  • McNally Robinson Assures Customers that No Books Will be Harmed During Andrew Unger’s Book Launch
    September 17, 2020
  • Janitor Left to Clean Up Huge Mess After Mennonite Women “Spill the Tea”
    January 31, 2025
  • New Census Data Identifies ‘English mixed with Plautdietsch and a bit of regular German mixed in yet’ as Most Popular Language in Winkler
    September 7, 2022

Trending

  • Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever
    May 9, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids
    May 7, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Area Man Still Can’t Get that Pink Pie
    February 17, 2021
  • Counting Crows Launch New Fragrance ‘The Smell of Hospitals in Winter’
    December 27, 2023
  • Amana Releases New ‘Throwback’ Dishwasher
    September 12, 2023
  • Congress to Do Everything in its Power to Do Absolutely Nothing
    May 26, 2022
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Baal Really Excited for New Statue in His Honour

May 17, 2026

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Unger Games

  • Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup
    May 18, 2026
  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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