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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Encouraged to Get Out and Vogt

October 18, 2026

WINKLER, MB Municipal elections are coming up and that means Mennonites across the province will heading to the polls to Vogt. “I’m hoping the Vogter turnout will be high this year,” said local vogter Dave […]

Unger Conviction

Alberta Separatists Hire Mennonites to Show Them How It’s Done

October 17, 2026

CALGARY, AB Days before the referendum, Alberta separatists have hired the world-renowned experts on splits and schisms – the Mennonites. “If we’re gonna split over trivial differences, who better than the Mennonites to help us […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Allows Dancing Now that Everyone Has to Keep Six Feet Apart
    March 25, 2020
  • Mennonite Woman Confesses to Photoshopping Church Directory Photos
    February 1, 2018
  • Mennonite Church Sets Record By Standing Up and Sitting Down 600 Times in a Single Service
    March 9, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Hires Connor Hellebuyck to Strain Her Potatoes
    December 2, 2018
  • Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback
    June 14, 2024
  • Wine Ninjas Accidentally Deliver to Mennonite Woman
    May 18, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Premier Wab Kinew Finally Visits Steinbach Just as Every Local Politician is Mysteriously Out of Town
    September 12, 2026
  • Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants
    August 27, 2026
  • Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him
    August 25, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Couple Prefers to be Three Hours Early Rather than Three Minutes Late
    December 20, 2021
  • Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles
    October 18, 2023
  • Thousands of Steinbachers Set Up Lawn Chairs Just Outside Concert Gates To Avoid Paying
    June 18, 2016
  • A Glossary of Low German Words Used on the Daily Bonnet
    April 23, 2020

Trending

  • Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids
    October 10, 2026
  • FIFA Awards Donald Trump Nobel Prize for Literature
    October 8, 2026
  • Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba
    October 7, 2026
  • British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For
    October 6, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • New ‘Plandemic’ Doc is the Comedy Smash Hit of the Season
    May 8, 2020
  • Gen Xer Super Proud of Himself After Managing to Stand for Entire Concert
    February 3, 2024
  • Winnipeg Transit Now Offering Ark Service
    March 23, 2022
  • Search of Clinton’s Wikileaks Emails for the Word “Mennonite” Reveals Not Much of Interest
    November 2, 2016
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Incoherent White House Press Secretary Actually Speaking Low German

October 16, 2026

American School Bans ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ For Being Canadian

October 14, 2026

White House Reinstates Day to Honour Guy Who Directed ‘Home Alone’

October 13, 2026

Mennonite Woman Arrested for Buying Her Pumpkin Pie at Costco

October 12, 2026

Albertans to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Separation

October 11, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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