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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Celebrate Valentine’s Day By Ordering the Cheapest Thing on the Menu

February 13, 2026

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Rempels of Abbotsford plant to celebrate Valentine’s Day in style this weekend by ordering the very cheapest items on the menu at Ricky’s. “Oba, I guess no Brekkie-bowl for me,” said Mrs. […]

Unger the Influence

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island

February 11, 2026

WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been […]

Unger Conviction

  • Report: 97% of Mennonites Still Refer to ‘Mennonite Church’ as ‘General Conference’
    September 25, 2020
  • Area Church Declared “Apostate” for Not Being Big Enough Jerks
    June 3, 2022
  • Winkler Church Raises Money to Send Missionaries to Morden
    October 11, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Man Orders Child Size Coke and Stays All Afternoon for Refills
    August 6, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Hooked on Niakwa ‘Farmer’s Special’ Pizza
    September 5, 2024
  • Willy Warkentin Offers 5 Golden Tickets to Visit Cheese Factory
    August 6, 2021

Unger the Influence

  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Plautdietsch Classified as an ‘Endangered Species’ in Steinbach
    November 9, 2016
  • ’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing
    April 3, 2017
  • Mennonite Man’s Car Spotted in Liquor Store Parking Lot
    May 27, 2020
  • Man Launches Kickstarter Campaign for Crokinole iPhone App
    July 18, 2016

Trending

  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026
  • Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina
    January 31, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep
    August 8, 2021
  • Local Man Solves All the World’s Problems with a Single Tweet
    June 9, 2020
  • Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs
    May 20, 2018
  • Marty McFly Goes Back 30 Years to the Mysterious World of 1994
    January 5, 2024
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Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026

Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters

February 9, 2026

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show

February 8, 2026

Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses

February 6, 2026

Minnesota to be Renamed ‘Manitoba South’

February 3, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters
    February 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show
    February 8, 2026
  • Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses
    February 6, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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