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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Gift Entire Province with Smell of Money

September 9, 2026

BLUMENORT, MB Mr. Penner has been hitting the fields in earnest this week spreading the smell of money all across the RM of Hanover and beyond. “I got half my field spread with the smell […]

Unger Suspicion

New UN Map Finally Shows Paraguay At Its Actual Size

September 8, 2026

ASCUNCION, PARAGUAY Hans Toews of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay was super excited this week after he learned that his country was finally going to be accurately represented on UN maps. “Not only that,” said Toews. “But […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Considering July Return in Empty Arenas
    April 26, 2020
  • Church Basement Chair Recruited To Help Change Lightbulb
    August 16, 2024
  • Local Church Allowed to Reopen After Agreeing to Host Sunday Morning Floor Hockey Tournaments
    January 13, 2021

Unger & Thirst

  • Global Mennonite Weight Increases 50 Million Pounds Over the Holiday Season
    January 2, 2017
  • Manitoba Couple Forgets to Bring “the Good Farmer Sausage” on Trip to Alberta
    August 28, 2019
  • Supply Chain Crisis Now Threatening Papsi and Ravels
    December 6, 2021

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • 5 Worst Mennonite Jokes of All Time
    May 18, 2025
  • Mennonite Couple Overstays Welcome By Two Years
    December 5, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Friends Every Single Friesen, Reimer, and Plett on Facebook
    May 18, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Switches Between English and Plautdietsch a Record 3000 Times in a Single Conversation
    October 29, 2017

Trending

  • Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden
    August 29, 2026
  • Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess
    August 28, 2026
  • Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants
    August 27, 2026
  • Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario
    August 26, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Car Manages to Stay Clean for a Record Two Minutes After Leaving Car Wash
    March 15, 2024
  • Sad Lonely Canadian Man Still Watching Hockey for Some Reason
    May 1, 2019
  • Robots Caught on Kiss Cam at Björk Concert
    July 31, 2025
  • New Movie Stars Matt Damon as the Last Ever Dueck
    November 18, 2021
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Prime Minister, Bryan Adams Share Roll Kuchen in Altona

September 5, 2026

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

September 3, 2026

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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