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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Neighbour’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard

July 8, 2025

ST. JACOB’S, ON Mrs. Martin is feeling like she won the lottery this week after a particularly windy day blew all of Mrs. Schmidt’s clothes right into her yard. “This should keep the Martins supplied […]

The Daily Bonnet

North Kildonan Residents Unimpressed with New Winnipeg Transit Network

July 7, 2025

WINNIPEG, MB The New Winnipeg Transit Network has received mixed reviews across the city, no more so than in North Kildonan where Henderson Highway is being permanently closed to motorized vehicular traffic after an urgent […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble
    June 4, 2024
  • Man with Snowblower Finds Renewed Sense of Purpose and Meaning
    February 26, 2022
  • Mennonite Teens Survive Boring Sermon with New Nintendo Switch
    June 7, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite to Join ‘Golden Dome’ Program
    May 21, 2025
  • Riot in Rural Manitoba After Fall Supper Runs Out of Meatballs
    September 23, 2024
  • Local Woman Burns Hole In Her Tongue Eating Cinnamon Hearts
    February 14, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • Left-leaning Voters Proudly Unite Around Right Wing Candidate
    April 22, 2025
  • Excluded from Debate, Green Party Told to Fight Amongst Themselves Like Mennonites
    April 19, 2025
  • Canadians Excited to Vote in Upcoming False Dichotomy
    April 18, 2025

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Couple Manage to Have 20 Children in 15 Years
    December 3, 2021
  • Enns Family Gets Their Own Special Crossing
    September 27, 2019
  • Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer
    September 1, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Convinced New Pfizer Shot Gives Him More Stamina During Meddachschlop
    May 17, 2021

Trending

  • Goat Wins Top Prize in Annual Cuteness Awards
    July 1, 2025
  • Stanley Cup Playoffs to be Extended Well into July Next Year
    June 30, 2025
  • Mennonite Woman Wears 10 Layers of Clothes to Avoid Paying for Carry On Bag
    June 29, 2025
  • Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup
    June 28, 2025

Unger Suspicion

  • Vaccinated 40-Year-Old Suddenly Has Kick-Ass Cell Phone Coverage
    April 21, 2021
  • Canadian Mennonites Pay Tribute to the Tragically Hip
    August 21, 2016
  • Efforts Intensify to Dislodge Fred Penner from Log
    March 27, 2021
  • ‘Pawn Stars’ Chumlee Settles Down With Nice Mennonite Wife
    August 14, 2017
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Mennonites Unveil New Mascot

July 6, 2025

Steinbachers Line Up on Main Street to Watch Drag Show

July 5, 2025

Mennonite Man Finally Upgrades His Massey Harris

July 4, 2025

Mennonite Woman Has Already Planted 25% of a Simon and Garfunkel Song

July 3, 2025

Dill Harvest Early this Year

July 2, 2025

Unger Games

  • Stanley Cup Playoffs to be Extended Well into July Next Year
    June 30, 2025
  • Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup
    June 28, 2025
  • Steinbacher Shocked at Lack of Honda Civics in New F1 Movie
    June 25, 2025
  • Vanapag Jats Jerseys Flying Off the Shelves
    June 21, 2025
  • Jonathan Toews Signs with Only Team that Knows How to Pronounce His Last Name Correctly
    June 20, 2025

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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