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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Which Steinbach Church Has the Best Coffee?
    May 3, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Brings His Own Bible to BYOB Event
    August 11, 2020
  • Local Church Consists Entirely of Just Kehlers
    October 25, 2021

Unger & Thirst

  • Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency
    July 28, 2021
  • Manitoba Couple Forgets to Bring “the Good Farmer Sausage” on Trip to Alberta
    August 28, 2019
  • Massive Shared Chicken Chef to Open Between Morden and Winkler
    March 6, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • ‘Barbenreimer’ Craze Strikes Rural Saskatchewan
    July 23, 2023
  • How to Become a Cheap Mennonite in 7 Easy Steps
    April 13, 2018
  • Top Ten Daily Bonnet Articles of 2022
    January 1, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Makes Millions Selling Chicken Coops to Calgary Yuppies
    September 11, 2022

Trending

  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires
    May 4, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Man Stands Up During Q&A to Tell His Entire Life Story
    September 6, 2025
  • King Solomon to Undergo Wisdom Tooth Surgery
    May 13, 2019
  • Churchill Polar Bears to Be Relocated to Southern Manitoba
    January 31, 2017
  • Why Every Single Winnipeg Jets Player is Actually a Mennonite
    April 21, 2018
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90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”

May 8, 2026

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026

Unger Games

  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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