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Unger Games

Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net

July 5, 2026

HOUSTON, TX Team Canada lost 3-nil to Morocco last night after failing to get enough pucks to the net. “Plus they just weren’t getting in there on the forecheck,” said sports expert Jeremy Goertzen. “I’d […]

Unger Suspicion

Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List

July 4, 2026

NEW YORK, NY There were plenty of surprises on the star-studded guest list at Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding this week, including Dakota Johnson, Gigi Hadid, and several members of the local Amish community. […]

Unger Conviction

  • Southern Baptists Expel Rick Warren for Floral-Patterned Shirt and Lack of Necktie
    June 18, 2023
  • Mennonite Church Unveils New “Choir of the Runny Noses”
    October 2, 2022
  • MBers Dress as GCers for Halloween
    October 31, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Whose Mennonite Mom Makes the Best Perogies?
    May 13, 2018
  • Mennonite-Grown Pumpkins Must Be Used For Pie Not Jack O’Lanterns
    October 12, 2024
  • Panic Strikes Bible Camp After Tuck Shop Runs Out of Doritos and Pepsi
    July 31, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Apple Introduces New Siri Voice with Mennonite Accent
    January 15, 2018
  • Local Dog Makes Huge Mess Just to Irritate Owner
    April 25, 2019
  • Mennonite Man Arrested for Saying ‘Merry Christmas’
    December 24, 2016
  • Mennonites Excited for New Plautdietsch Stickers Rather than the ‘Weltlijch’ English Ones
    June 24, 2021

Trending

  • Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki
    June 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg Jets Select Björk in First Round
    June 27, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning
    June 27, 2026
  • Vandals Caddyshack the Reflecting Pool
    June 26, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Mark Zuckerberg Breaks Down, Admits He Has No Real Friends
    January 27, 2022
  • Stash of Sears Catalogues Discovered Under Hugh Hefner’s Mattress
    October 2, 2017
  • Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach
    November 28, 2020
  • Mennonite Sniper Sets Record for World’s Longest Deliberately-Missed Shot
    June 24, 2017
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Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls

July 3, 2026

Area Man Has No Idea His AI-Generated Poster is a Total Shit Show

July 2, 2026

Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early

July 1, 2026

Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites

June 30, 2026

Taco Bell Unveils New Logo

June 29, 2026

Unger Games

  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026
  • Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki
    June 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg Jets Select Björk in First Round
    June 27, 2026
  • Recently Retired Jonathan Toews Scrambles to Get His Name on the Fernwood Waiting List
    June 20, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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