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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Gift Entire Province with Smell of Money

September 9, 2026

BLUMENORT, MB Mr. Penner has been hitting the fields in earnest this week spreading the smell of money all across the RM of Hanover and beyond. “I got half my field spread with the smell […]

Unger Suspicion

New UN Map Finally Shows Paraguay At Its Actual Size

September 8, 2026

ASCUNCION, PARAGUAY Hans Toews of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay was super excited this week after he learned that his country was finally going to be accurately represented on UN maps. “Not only that,” said Toews. “But […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastors Release New ‘Tracing App’ that Tracks How Much Time You’ve Spent Reading the Bible
    May 30, 2020
  • Mennonite Woman Caught on Facebook During Church Service
    April 23, 2017
  • Parents Punish Misbehaving Children By Forcing Them To Attend Annual Saengerfest
    December 14, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • 5 Dishes in the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook that No One Actually Makes
    February 20, 2023
  • Bean Salad Big Hit at Church Potluck
    December 18, 2024
  • Liberal Mennonite Church Approves the Use of Seedless Watermelons
    August 2, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Steinbach Man Opens ‘Noah’s Ark Encounter’ in His Basement
    September 17, 2024
  • Mennonite Bureau of Investigations Raids Indiana Mansion
    August 14, 2022
  • McNally Robinson Assures Customers that No Books Will be Harmed During Andrew Unger’s Book Launch
    September 17, 2020
  • Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show
    February 10, 2026

Trending

  • Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden
    August 29, 2026
  • Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess
    August 28, 2026
  • Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants
    August 27, 2026
  • Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario
    August 26, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • 16-Year-Old Swede Tops Canadian Election Poll
    September 24, 2019
  • Andrew Scheer Hoping to Become Canada’s First Schekjbenjel Prime Minister
    September 30, 2019
  • Winnipegers Rush to Get their Hands on the Cheapest Nosebleed Seats
    January 13, 2026
  • B.C. Premier Shuts Down Progress on Kinder Surprise Pipeline
    April 11, 2018
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Prime Minister, Bryan Adams Share Roll Kuchen in Altona

September 5, 2026

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

September 3, 2026

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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