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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

September 3, 2026

MOOSOMIN, SK Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass a semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. “I figured he was going 100,” said Bob, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Anne Loewen, 71, was in the greatest existential crisis of her life this Saturday afternoon after encountering bags of frozen potato and cheddar perogies alongside the cottage cheese perogies she’s used […]

Unger Conviction

  • Snow Finally Melts Freeing Up Precious Spots in Church Parking Lot
    April 23, 2019
  • Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Hymn 606
    February 10, 2025
  • Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email
    February 24, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Schmaunt Fat Prices Soar to Record Highs
    June 20, 2017
  • Mennonite Steakhouse Adds Fried Bologna to Menu
    December 13, 2017
  • New Reports Claims Children Just Faking It, Most Absolutely Love Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts
    June 4, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer
    September 1, 2020
  • Beet Borscht or Murder Scene?
    March 27, 2017
  • Canadians Heartbroken After American Crokinole Squad Defeats Team Canada in Shootout
    February 23, 2018
  • Steinbach Man Waits 3 Years for Bus that Never Comes
    May 1, 2024

Trending

  • Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario
    August 26, 2026
  • Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him
    August 25, 2026
  • Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes
    August 24, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven
    August 23, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert
    September 13, 2023
  • New ‘Plandemic’ Doc is the Comedy Smash Hit of the Season
    May 8, 2020
  • Google Searches for “How to Become Amish” Surge During Presidential Debate
    October 1, 2020
  • Mennonite Couple Spends Delightful Holiday Weekend on Toronto Tarmac
    December 28, 2022
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Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden

August 29, 2026

Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess

August 28, 2026

Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants

August 27, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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