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Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite women were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

Unger Conviction

  • Rubbers Completely Fill Mennonite Church Lobby
    December 27, 2017
  • Christian Man Says ‘Merry Christmas’, Nothing Happens
    December 16, 2019
  • Area Church Declared “Apostate” for Not Being Big Enough Jerks
    June 3, 2022

Unger & Thirst

  • Blue Jays Apologize After Mennonite Man Pelts Outfielder With Knackzoat
    October 7, 2016
  • Delusional Mennonite Man Thinks His Mom’s Vereniki are Better than Your Mom’s Vereniki
    September 6, 2019
  • Mennonite Couple Expands Their Palate at Mall Food Court
    July 7, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026
  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Local Man Turns 40, or 65 in ‘Mennonite Years’
    November 9, 2019
  • Courageous Local Man Arrives on Job Site in Japanese Truck
    June 10, 2017
  • Mennonite Couple Manage to Have 20 Children in 15 Years
    December 3, 2021
  • Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’
    August 18, 2022

Trending

  • Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins
    September 20, 2026
  • Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour
    September 19, 2026
  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026
  • Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings
    September 17, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • United States Signs $110 Billion Weapons Deal with Random Guy on eBay
    May 25, 2017
  • Bombers Fan Can’t Figure Out Why the Heck He Goes to these Labour Day Games Anyway
    September 1, 2019
  • Henderson, Nebraska Officially Declared “The Middle of Nowhere”
    October 7, 2018
  • Airline Strives to Make Travel as Uncomfortable as Humanly Possible
    June 4, 2025
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AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

Unger Games

  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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