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The Daily Bonnet

Trump to Fence Off the Border to Keep Out Canadian Smoke

July 18, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC President Donald Trump has just approved the expenditure of $81 billion to construct a wooden fence along the border to keep Canadian smoke from entering the country. “They’re not sending their best smoke, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Lucks Out With New Licence Plate

July 16, 2026

This is real. I know, I don’t report real news very often. A good Mennonite would never purchase a vanity plate, but, hey, when you can get one for free, why not? I guess we […]

Unger Conviction

  • Bible School Expands ‘Six Inch Rule’ to ‘Six Foot Rule’
    March 15, 2020
  • Bible School Offering Money Back Guarantee if Not Engaged By the End of First Semester
    September 4, 2018
  • Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble
    June 4, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Knackzoat Found in Last Summer’s Jean Shorts “Still Perfectly Edible” Says Local Man
    May 5, 2017
  • Thousands Line Up for CMU’s Annual Farmer Sausage Blowout
    April 27, 2023
  • Ancient Zwieback Recipe Discovered in Dead Sea Scrolls
    January 22, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Tipping Etiquette for Mennonites
    April 17, 2018
  • Mennonite Woman All Out of Candy Already
    October 31, 2022
  • Mennonite Woman Throws Caution to the Wind, Puts Fine China in Dishwasher
    February 26, 2019
  • Holdeman Radio Station Plays Nothing but Static
    December 8, 2017

Trending

  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest
    July 9, 2026
  • World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat
    July 8, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year
    July 7, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Manitoba Government Declares Winter Over as of March 1
    March 3, 2022
  • Retired Threshing Machine Takes Up New Full-Time Advertising Job
    August 20, 2020
  • Knels and Annie Krahn Make Their Oscar Picks
    February 26, 2017
  • King Charles Unveils Stunning New Portrait
    May 15, 2024
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Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again

July 15, 2026

Folk Fest Attendee Sells Spot in the Shade for $500 a Square Foot

July 14, 2026

Thousands of Canadians Flock to Mexico to Cool Off this Summer

July 13, 2026

Mennonite Women are Shedding their Düaks During Heat Wave

July 12, 2026

White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup

July 11, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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