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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Pastor Drops Five Infants During Last Sunday’s Child Dedication Service
    June 3, 2016
  • Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate
    June 3, 2021
  • Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water
    July 9, 2018

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Hunter Bags Huge Sausage
    November 21, 2017
  • Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn’t Run Out of Food at the Gathering
    August 19, 2021
  • Mennonite Cooking to Be Rebranded as ‘Keto Diet’
    November 27, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Niverville Vows to Overtake Steinbach for Most Number of Traffic Lights
    March 21, 2020
  • Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education
    August 18, 2016
  • Mennonite Man to Increase Gas Production
    March 24, 2022
  • Mennonites Caught Smuggling Dirty Rubber Boots Across the Border
    June 19, 2018

Trending

  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires
    May 4, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • A List of Things Hipsters Stole from Mennonites
    September 25, 2017
  • ‘Reach for the Top’ Contestant Buzzes in 40 Years Too Late
    June 8, 2022
  • Pipeline to Supply Calgary With Toronto Water
    July 17, 2024
  • New Survey Suggests 8 out of 10 People Cannot Identify the Man in the Rio Statue
    August 14, 2016
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90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”

May 8, 2026

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026

Unger Games

  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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