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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Creates “Build Your Own Papsi” Kit

August 20, 2026

LA CRETE, AB Do-it-yourself and father-of-eight Peter Klippenstein, 37, of La Crete is tired of all the “axpansive Papsi” his wife Aggie comes home with and has decided to build his own cola. He’s even […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Area man Donald Ausfahrt narrowly escaped the imminent threat of having to clean up the chairs after the church potluck this week. Ausfahrt led everyone to believe he was in the back […]

Unger Conviction

  • Dozens of Mennonites Take Ill On Stale Communion Crackers
    July 21, 2025
  • Meet the ‘Steinbach Reads’ 2022 Contenders: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
    April 25, 2022
  • Mennonite Woman Concerned She Might Be Anglican
    November 21, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Experts Now Say Schmaunt Fat Leaked from Lab in Winkler
    March 6, 2023
  • Funeral Cancelled After Bridge Fire Cuts Off Cheese Curd Supply
    May 11, 2023
  • Lottery Winner Given Rare Box of Christmas Oranges That Aren’t Stale or Rotten
    December 26, 2025

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Wraps the Presents this Year
    December 23, 2020
  • ‘The Voice’ to Feature Nothing but Mennonite Family Trios from Now On
    December 15, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Installs New Inground Pool
    June 4, 2026
  • Ten Ways that Mennonites are ‘Greener’ than You Are
    May 17, 2019

Trending

  • Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service
    August 12, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup
    August 11, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s
    August 10, 2026
  • Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line
    August 9, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • NFL to Adopt New “Thriftier” 80-Yard Field for Upcoming Season
    August 25, 2019
  • Heintje to Perform at Faspa this Sunday
    May 24, 2018
  • Google Searches for “How to Become Amish” Surge During Presidential Debate
    October 1, 2020
  • Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page
    October 29, 2020
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Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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