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Unger the Influence

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island

February 11, 2026

WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026

FRESNO, CA Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said President Donald Trump. “It […]

Unger Conviction

  • Area Couple Hands Out Gospel Tracts to Trick-or-Treaters
    October 31, 2016
  • Mennonite Woman Dies, Donates Her Organs
    November 29, 2018
  • Hymn 606 to Undergo Major Overhaul
    January 25, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Faint Line Indicates Presence of Knackzoat in the Blood
    April 24, 2022
  • Paska Buns Kept Six Feet Apart to Keep Mennonites Safe
    April 11, 2020
  • Mysterious New Condiment Perplexes Mennonite Diners
    September 27, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Steinbach Dentist Concerned About Plaque
    July 6, 2024
  • Mennonite Couple Can’t Decide Between Seeing ‘Barbie’ … or ‘Sound of Freedom’ for the Tenth Time
    July 31, 2023
  • Mennonite Men Take Cover in their Barns as Wives Gather to Watch ‘Gilmore Girls’
    November 25, 2016
  • Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’
    September 7, 2016

Trending

  • Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina
    January 31, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026
  • Climber Scales Credit Union Building Without Safety Gear
    January 27, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Heather Stefanson Finds Huge Mound of Zoat Left Over in Premier’s Office
    November 2, 2021
  • Canadian Swifties Demand Taylor Date at Least One CFL Star
    September 25, 2023
  • Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep
    August 8, 2021
  • Area Woman to Spend Entire Summer Posting Pictures of Her Feet
    July 14, 2024
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Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters

February 9, 2026

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show

February 8, 2026

Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses

February 6, 2026

Minnesota to be Renamed ‘Manitoba South’

February 3, 2026

George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files

February 1, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters
    February 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show
    February 8, 2026
  • Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses
    February 6, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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