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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Creates “Build Your Own Papsi” Kit

August 20, 2026

LA CRETE, AB Do-it-yourself and father-of-eight Peter Klippenstein, 37, of La Crete is tired of all the “axpansive Papsi” his wife Aggie comes home with and has decided to build his own cola. He’s even […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Area man Donald Ausfahrt narrowly escaped the imminent threat of having to clean up the chairs after the church potluck this week. Ausfahrt led everyone to believe he was in the back […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Couple Names Children After Really Obscure Old Testament Characters
    June 2, 2016
  • Monsanto Buys Naming Rights to Mennonite Church
    July 23, 2025
  • Mr. Harms Promises He Won’t Hurt Anybody
    April 22, 2026

Unger & Thirst

  • 24 Hours Later, Dad is Still Going Back for “Just One More Plate”
    June 18, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Cooks His Wieners a Perfect Medium Rare
    July 4, 2021
  • No Picture
    Mennonite Man Creates “Build Your Own Papsi” Kit
    August 20, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Masks Needed to Protect Residents During the Axe Body Spray Outbreak of 2020
    July 25, 2020
  • Matt Falk’s ‘That Mennonite Joke’ Rakes in Three Billion Dollars at the Box Office
    May 19, 2016
  • New Mennonite Thriller ‘Jakes on a Plane’ is Box Office Smash
    December 4, 2021
  • Mennonite Man’s Sexy Overalls Declared “Stumbling Block”
    July 11, 2022

Trending

  • Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service
    August 12, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup
    August 11, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s
    August 10, 2026
  • Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line
    August 9, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Oscar Host Jimmy Kimmel Stolen at After Party
    March 6, 2018
  • Mennonite Woman Converts to Hinduism Five Minutes into Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown DVD
    April 26, 2018
  • Local Paper Candidate Asking for Your Vote on Monday
    October 20, 2019
  • One Million Manitobans Trapped in their Driveways Due to Obstructed Views
    March 6, 2019
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Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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