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Month: November 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Jantsied Man in Denial that He’s from Jantsied

November 30, 2021 Andrew

JANTSIED, MB Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Mr. Friesen of jantsied is utterly convinced that he’s from ditsied. “I don’t know what’s wrong with that man,” said Mr. Wiebe standing firmly in ditsied. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Newlyweds Already Planning their Upcoming Baby Shower

November 29, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN No sooner had the wedding thank you cards been mailed out than newlyweds Eleanor and Dan Bauman were inviting their friends over to celebrate the birth of the newborn child Peter. “Dan and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Now Totally Spaced Out in Church

November 28, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a letter sent home to every member this week and a stirring plea from the pulpit this morning, Pastor Bob is encouraging his congregation to be “totally spaced out” in church. “The […]

Unger Suspicion

Highway 75 Re-opens, Still Just as Shitty as Before

November 27, 2021 Andrew

MORRIS, MB When southbound traffic on Manitoba’s most prestigious highway Number 75 was re-opened today after being closed briefly due to winter weather, drivers were shocked to discover road conditions were still just as shitty […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Oma Krahn’ Variant Spreads Like Wildfire in Mennonite Country

November 26, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB It seems a new variant has been tailor-made to spread like wildfire in Mennonite communities. Scientists have just discovered the Oma Krahn strain, which first appeared at a soup and pie fundraiser […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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