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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Wears 10 Layers of Clothes to Avoid Paying for Carry On Bag

June 29, 2025 Andrew

ST. CATHERINE’S, ON Mrs. Berg of St. Catherine’s, Ontario has successfully flown all the way to Abbotsford this week without a single person noticing her thick layer of clothes. “Got any bags to check?” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Marge Simpson to be Buried in Rural Saskatchewan

June 27, 2025 Andrew

HERBERT, SK Beloved blue-haired mother-of-three Marge Simpson will be buried this week in a family plot near Herbert, Saskatchewan. “We ask that the public is respectful at this time of mourning for the Simpson family,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Hold the Exact Same Opinion About Everything for the Next Fifty Years

June 26, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Area man Garth Martens has reached the age of 31, which means he will now settle all his opinions and judgments of taste and not diverge from these for the rest of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Emerges All Cool and Trendy After Hip Replacement

June 24, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB Area man Timothy Reimer, 69, has emerged from a hip replacement surgery as the hippest man in all of Reinland. “I no longer listen to gospel quartets. From now on it’s all Kendrick […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chatty Mennonite Woman Holds Elevator Door for a Record 5 Hours

June 17, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a lineup stretching down the hallway this afternoon, as Mrs. Enns held the elevator door for “just a couple more minutes.” Well, those minutes soon became hours, as Mrs. Enns had […]

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