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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026 Andrew

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After five centuries of never once compromising their cherished Anabaptist values, Mennonites across Canada are forced to confront the most pressing ethical dilemma in their history – what to do in the face […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Johan Dyck ran out of space on his census form this week after being asked to list all 31 children. “I got Mary, Isaac, Peter, Susie, Abe, David, Heinrich, Anne, Ruth, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires

May 4, 2026 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mr. Todd Driedger of Aylmer is always the last one in all of Aylmer, Ontario to switch over to his summer tires. “I could tell Daisy was ready for a change,” said Driedger, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City

April 29, 2026 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The 2026 World Cup host cities have been announced and surprisingly ever single one of them is located in a place that’ll be real convenient for Mennonite audiences. Among the choices are […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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