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Month: June 2021

Unger & Thirst

New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats

June 30, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With the announcement this week that the Vancouver Canucks AHL affiliate is moving to Abbotsford, the choice of names was an easy decision for the team. “We’ve got the Vancouver Canucks and dan […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Keeps On Asking Questions He Easily Could’ve Googled

June 28, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Klassen set a record today by posting more than thirty times on the local Oba Jo Steinbach page. His posts, however, were made up entirely of things he could’ve easily Googled. “What […]

Unger Suspicion

Vancouver Heat Wave Blamed On Hot Air From Abbotsford

June 27, 2021 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC As blistering temperatures rock the West Coast, Vancouverites are desperate to find a plausible explanation for this abnormal heat wave. It seems like they’ve finally discovered the source. “The hot air is believed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Supersite Workers Promise Not to Comment on Your Farmer’s Tan

June 26, 2021 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Workers at southern Manitoba vaccine supersites have been offered three weeks in “sensitivity training” including a full week program on resisting the urge to comment on Mr. Penner’s farmer’s tan. “We know that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Oma Gets ‘Vaxxed’ Just in Time for Summer

June 24, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Oma Kornelsen was a little reluctant to “get vaxxed yet” but was convinced after she saw the wonderful “Brazilian vax” that her daughter Linda got. “I normally don’t get vaxxed,” said Mrs. Kornelsen, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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