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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

American Shoppers Flock to Get their Hands on World War III Apparel

June 22, 2025 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Malls were packed this weekend for the kickoff of summer. And you know what that means – deals on all the hottest World War III apparel. “There’s camo everywhere,” said eager shopper Kathy […]

Unger the Influence

G7 Summit to Feature Crokinole Tournament

June 14, 2025 Andrew

KANANASKIS, AB After months of hostility and chaos across the globe, G7 leaders have decided to cool things down a little in Kananaskis with a nice friendly crokinole tournament. “And the winner gets Greenland,” said […]

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Musk Steals Church Split Idea from Mennonites

June 10, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After a highly publicized rift with the White House in recent weeks, Elon Musk has finally acknowledged the source of his schismatic idea. “As we all know, I’m not really an ideas man. […]

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Trump to Reopen Alcatraz to Imprison Canadians

June 5, 2025 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA With the trade war heating up, Donald Trump recently announced he would be reopening Alcatraz with the sole purpose of imprisoning Canadians who’ve hurt his feelings on social media. “Cross the border […]

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Mennonite Woman Mentors Mark Carney on How to Bite His Tongue

May 7, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Gearing up for his first international visit to Washington, DC, Prime Minister Mark Carney took an intensive three week crash course in tongue-biting from someone who is a world renowned expert in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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