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Month: May 2019

The Daily Bonnet

M.P. Reads Daily Bonnet Headlines in House of Commons

May 31, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Okay, like, for real. On May 28, Hon. Candice Bergen, Member of Parliament for Portage-Lisgar, spoke in support of a motion to establish a Mennonite Heritage Week. During her speech, she discussed various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival

May 30, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Competition has been fierce this spring, but Mrs. Epp of Steinbach has come out on top at the annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival. “I heard there were about 1.3 million competitors this year,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Philippines to Canada: “We Don’t Want Your Trash!”

May 29, 2019 Andrew

MANILA, PHILIPPINES In recent days, Malaysia has joined the Philippines in denouncing Canada and demanding that Justin Bieber be returned to North America. “We’re sick and tired of Canada sending us all their unwanted trash,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sells His Toronto Raptors Seat to Buy $400,000 Combine

May 28, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. When Mr. Wiens was offered almost half a million dollars for his court-side seat to Thursday’s game one of the NBA Finals in Toronto, it was […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Phone Book Now Offered Exclusively in Large Print

May 27, 2019 Andrew

STEINWERK, MB The annual local phone book will now be available exclusively in large print. The change is seen as a way of catering to the only demographic that still actually uses phone books. “The town […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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