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Month: December 2022

Unger Games

Christiano Ronaldo Signs $200 Million Deal with Hanover Kickers

December 31, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Hanover Kickers of the Manitoba Major Soccer League scored big this off-season with the signing of Portuguese superstar Christiano Ronaldo. The deal is rumoured to be worth upwards of $200 million a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Entire Sense of Self-Worth Wrapped Up in His 14-in-1 Leatherman Multi-Tool

December 30, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Even though he rarely has any reason to use it, area man Art Peters, 68, never goes anywhere without his 14-in-1 Leatherman multi-tool clipped to his belt. “It’s gotten pretty bad,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Shocked that No One Starved at Recent Gathering

December 29, 2022 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Despite making enough food to feed the entire town of Black Creek, Mrs. Kroeker was utterly shocked that none of the Kroeker clan starved at the recent gathering. “There were 17 of […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Couple Spends Delightful Holiday Weekend on Toronto Tarmac

December 28, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Thiessens were all packed up and ready to visit their relatives in Manitoba this week, but decided at the last minute to spend the entire week on a lovely Toronto tarmac instead. […]

Unger Games

Ovechkin Gifts Putin with Record-Setting Puck

December 27, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Just moments after an empty net goal put him second all-time in career goals, Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin tossed the historic puck into a manila envelope, slapped on a couple stamps, and mailed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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