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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Goat Wins Top Prize in Annual Cuteness Awards

July 1, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH,MB A goat at the Mennonite Heritage Village in Steinbach was just awarded the Cutest Animal in Southern Manitoba award this week. “I’m speechless,” said the goat. “There was a lot of competition this year […]

Unger Suspicion

Innocent Civilian Super Grateful to Have House Bombed in Name of Freedom

June 23, 2025 Andrew

SOME CITY YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF, COUNTRY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT An innocent civilian in some other country is super grateful to all the foreign powers who decided the best way to bring about his […]

Unger Suspicion

School Accidentally Plays Sex Pistols Song Before Morning Announcements

June 19, 2025 Andrew

DOLPHIN, MB After months of controversy and debate, Dolphin School Trustee Pete Caflib has finally convinced his local school division to bring back the Royal Anthem. “Yeah, so I picked up a bunch of 45s […]

Unger Suspicion

Airline Strives to Make Travel as Uncomfortable as Humanly Possible

June 4, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB West Reserve Airlines has long been a leader in Canadian air travel, with their continual efforts to make air travel as uncomfortable and inconvenient as humanly possible. The airline announced this morning they […]

Unger Suspicion

Harvard Restores Funding After Record-Setting Quilt Auction

May 25, 2025 Andrew

CAMBRIDGE, MA After having its funding dramatically reduced in recent weeks, Harvard University has had to result to a tried and true method of raising money – a Mennonite-style quilt auction. “At this point, we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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