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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Area man Donald Ausfahrt narrowly escaped the imminent threat of having to clean up the chairs after the church potluck this week. Ausfahrt led everyone to believe he was in the back […]

Unger Conviction

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Just as US President Donald Trump seems hellbent on starting trade wars (and real wars) around the globe, the Mennonite Brethren and Mennonite Church have inked a brand new free trade deal that […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service

August 12, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to bring their eclipse glasses along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more total […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning

June 27, 2026 Andrew

MENNO COLONY, PARAGUAY Guillermo Toews, 26, of Menno Colony went down with an injury early this morning, but slo-motion replay shows he’s “clearly just faking it to avoid going to church.” “We’ve seen this kind […]

Unger Conviction

300-Foot Gash Appears in MB Church Baptismal Tank

June 25, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A 300-foot long gash has appeared in the South Central Kildonan MB church baptismal tank this week, which has pastor Dave making accusations of vandalism. “It was the GCers I’m sure,” said Pastor […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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