Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations


A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country for his ability to inflate anything, including the expectations of hockey fans.

“We found that a lot of our fans were kind of down on the team, you know?” said GM Brad Treliving. “And we figured, what better person to artificially inflate fan expectations than the dude in charge of Loblaws.”

The signing of the new head coach had an immediate impact on Leafs fans.

“I just know we’re going to do well next season,” said diehard Leafs fan, Allan Schmidt. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if we go 82 and 0, win every playoff series, and take home the Cup in four straight.”

Loblaws-style inflation has really taken the hockey world by storm, but some feel it’s gone a little too far.

“I’m not sure I can keep up with the new inflated expectations of fans,” said Leafs centre Auston Matthews. “Ever since the signing of Galen Weston they’re expecting me to score 100 goals a season. Who am I – Gretzky?”

While many attribute the inflation to Galen Weston, others are saying this is just the natural course of things.

“I’m not sure this is all on Mr. Weston,” said hockey fan Leanne Wiens. “After all, we get inflation like this every off-season. ”

Weston plans to hyper-inflate the hopes and dreams of Leafs fans during the regular season, before going back to the old Maple Leafs plan of sending their fans into an unending spiral of despair as soon as the playoffs begin.

(photo credit: JasonParis/CC)

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