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inflation

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Soars to $100 a Barrel

March 10, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When the Leamington Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $106.06 a barrel, smashing the previous record. As a result of soaring schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

$80 Million Carton of Eggs Smashes Record in Sotheby’s Auction

February 7, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY A totally normal carton of eggs sold for a record $80 million plus buyer’s premium in a Sotheby’s auction this week, smashing the previous record of $4.50. “I’ve never seen anything like […]

Unger Suspicion

Tip-flation So “Out of Control” They’re Even Expecting Tips in Winkler

September 21, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Many consumers have noticed tip-flation or “tip creep” in recent years, as customers are being asked for tips in places they’ve never did before such as auto mechanics, fast food restaurants, and Winkler. […]

Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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