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hockey

Unger Games

Recently Retired Jonathan Toews Scrambles to Get His Name on the Fernwood Waiting List

June 20, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Days after announcing his retirement from hockey, Winnipeg Jets superstar Jonathan Toews made sure to get his name on the waiting list at Fernwood Place in Steinbach. “You can’t leave it until the […]

Unger Games

Canadians Celebrate as List of ‘Sports We Don’t Suck At’ Balloons to Two

June 18, 2026 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BV Canadian sports fans were left in absolute ecstasy this afternoon after the Canadian Men’s Soccer Team won a match at the World Cup for the first time in history, thus ballooning the number […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup

May 18, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG METRO REGION, MB The Winnipeg Metro Region Nighthawks have become just the fourth team in MJHL history to win the national championship. “We’re so proud of our team the Nighthawks,” said Winnipeg mayor Scott […]

Unger Games

Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal

February 25, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump announced this afternoon that he would be awarding Winnipeg Jets/Team USA goaltender Connor Helleybuyck the nation’s highest civilian honour. “And that, of course, is that made up coal trophy I was […]

Unger Games

Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line

February 24, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It seems all the embarrassing defeats by Team Canada at the Olympics this year will not go to waste as Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a plan to use all the unwanted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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