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Month: October 2018

The Daily Bonnet

Old Colony Mennonites Confused for Trick-or-Treaters

October 31, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A group of Old Colony Mennonites were walking around Winkler today and, for some strange reason, people kept handing them Halloween candy. “One lady complemented me on my costume,” said Corny Wall, visiting […]

Unger Conviction

Sunday School Teacher Becomes Stuck to Flannelgraph Board

October 30, 2018 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Parademics had to be called to the local Kleine Gemeinde church this past week after grade 2 Sunday School teacher Annie Friesen, 76, became stuck to the flannelgraph board. “We get flannelgraph-related calls […]

Unger Suspicion

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Hired by Fox News

October 29, 2018 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Days after being fired from his job on the long-running sitcom The Simpsons, Apu Nahasaspeemapetilton has been hired by Fox News to work as a political pundit. “We only hire cartoon characters around […]

Unger & Thirst

Italian Canadians Object to Trudeau’s New Carbonara Tax

October 29, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON There is growing opposition in Canada’s Italian population to the Trudeau government’s proposed ‘Carbonara Tax.’ According to experts, the new tax, will affect millions of Italians and lovers of Italian food across the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Daredevil to Consume Pickles and Milk Together

October 28, 2018 Andrew

RANDOLPH, MB Local man Joel Toews, 23, is known throughout Randolph (nee Chortitz) for his reckless abandon and death-defying stunts. But his most impressive stunt is yet to come as, this weekend, Joel will be […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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