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Month: January 2022

The Daily Bonnet

Oma Krahn Variant BA.2 to Be Named “Opa Krahn”

January 31, 2022 Andrew

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND Scientists announced in a press conference in Geneva this afternoon that the new Oma Krahn variant BA.2 would be known as Opa Krahn. “We talked to Oma and she said she was more […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin Promises to Use “Withdrawal Method”

January 30, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Russian leader Vladimir Putin has reassured the global community that he plans to employ the “tried and true withdrawal method” during his upcoming Ukraine incursion. “Our best scientists have tested this method very […]

Unger Conviction

New “Freedom Convoy” to Liberate Mennonites from their Own Church Leaders

January 29, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Thousands of Mennonites gathered in southern Ontario this weekend to finally face the biggest threat to their personal freedoms: their own church leadership. “For years they’ve told us, ‘Hey, look over there, the […]

Unger Conviction

Sunday School Kids Hold Freedom Convoy from Nursery All the Way to the Pastor’s Office

January 28, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON After being totally fed up by being forced to eat plain Cheerios for snack each Sunday during Children’s Church, a group of Mennonite Sunday school kids stormed out of the nursery this past […]

Unger Suspicion

Mark Zuckerberg Breaks Down, Admits He Has No Real Friends

January 27, 2022 Andrew

PALO ALTO, CA Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has publicly acknowledged for the first time that he has not a single real friend. The news came as a shock to his millions of Facebook […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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