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Unger & Thirst

Daring Mennonite Couple to Try Costco Farmer Sausage

September 25, 2022 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB This evening at faspa, the Wiebes of Vankla will be the first ever southern Manitobans to eat the farmer sausage that, apparently, you can get at Costco. “Costco formarvorscht? I didn’t even know […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Zellers ain’t good enough!” Mennonites Demand Return of SAAN Stores

August 19, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB While there was some level of excitement for the return of Zellers stores, Mennonites across the Prairies are demanding the return of the even cheaper SAAN stores as well. “The only place that […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Labelled a “Feminist” for Not Trailing 10 Feet Behind Her Husband at All Times

July 5, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Sarah Warkentin, 33, of Winkler made headlines this week after she was spotted standing right beside her husband as the couple exited their Dodge Caravan and, according to sources, stayed beside him […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. Penner Can’t Believe He’s Now in Charge of Walmart

June 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After “reading somewheres” about his “frintschoft Greg Penner who’s in charge of all the Valmarts,” Mr. Penner of Vankla decided his familial connection earned him a few privileges. “Time for some changes around here […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hopes of McDonald’s Dashed as Mennonite Children Told “We Have Perfectly Good Food at Home!”

May 30, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON The Hildebrandt family drove into the big city of Leamington this weekend to pick up a truck load of items at the local Walmart. Hopes of stopping for Happy Meals were quickly dashed, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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