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Month: September 2022

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather in Goshen to Decide which Writer to Excommunicate Next

September 30, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN While scholars and writers gather at Goshen College this weekend for the 2022 Mennonite/s Writing Conference, another gathering is taking place across the city with an entirely different purpose. “Mennonite writers are the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Bookstore Sets Up “Meet a Real Mennonite” Booth

September 29, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipegers were given a rare opportunity to “meet a real live Mennonite” at a local Indigo store this past week. “I’m very excited. It’s not every day I get to meet a real […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Launches New Streaming Service Called “Schputify”

September 28, 2022 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Jack Rempel of La Crete, Alberta has just launched a new “streeeming servass for Mannanites yet.” “Since it’s a Mannanite thing and we don’t use the Internets, we’ll be bringing records and […]

Unger Suspicion

Nickelback Frontman Insists He’s Really a Kroeker

September 27, 2022 Andrew

HANNA, AB Lead singer of beloved Canadian rockers Nickelback has come out this week and said he’s actually much more of a Mennonite than we ever suspected. “Mench ek saj! You’ve been pronouncing and spelling […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Gas Station to Offer Free Eye-Gouging or Kick in the Groin with Every Purchase

September 26, 2022 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Gas stations across Vancouver are going the extra mile this week by providing each paying customer with a complimentary eye-gouging or kick in the groin. “We’re trying to stand out from the crowd […]

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  • Mennonites Appear in New Reality Show ‘Quilting with the Stars’
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    July 10, 2017
  • Gopnik Outspits Mennonite
    October 23, 2021
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    May 7, 2020

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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