Mennonite Woman Bravely Opts to Forgo Candle Drip-Guard


Brave Mrs. Allison Koop, 41, decided to toss away the paper candle-wax guard during tonight’s Christmas Eve service. Koop is widely regarded as the toughest woman in Mountain Lake for her ability to put up with scalding hot wax dripping onto her hands throughout the singing of three hymns and a brief devotional by Pastor Dave.

“She’s got amazing stamina,” said Mrs. Plett. “I mean, she was basically naked out there.”

The rest of the congregation sported elaborate plastic guards to protect themselves from making any contact with the wax during the candlelight service.

“We always sing all four verses of ‘Stille Nacht,’ and by the time we’re done those candles are like molten lava,” said Mrs. Plett. “I know Mrs. Koop likes to show off how tough she is, but I also think it’s a kind of penance for her. I wonder what she did to deserve such a punishment.”

Koop denies such rumours and said the other Mennonites in town are just wimps.

“I saw Mrs. Penner come in with oven mitts last year,” said Mrs. Koop. “What on earth is this town coming to when we can’t even tolerate a little candle wax!”

Mrs. Koop plans to run over hot coals and lie down on a bed of nails at a performance after the potluck on Sunday.

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