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Unger & Thirst

Despite Renovations Steinbach Sobeys Will Always Be Penner Foods to Me: A Love Story

April 10, 2022 Andrew

I first met Penner Foods when I was a wee pants schieter, my legs kicking in the child seat of the cold medal grocery cart, my hands never as firmly gripped to the red handle as […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Gets Costco Membership Just for All the Free Samples

December 10, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The Wiebe family of Taber, Alberta love to drive into Calgary on Saturdays to do their weekly Costco sampling. “We don’t buy anything, but we’ve got to get our membership fee back somehow,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Illegal Margarine Lids

September 29, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona police raided Mrs. Friesen’s pantry this past week in what is believed to the West Reserve’s largest ever margarine lid bust. “I’m innocent!” screamed Mrs. Friesen as she was dragged out of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Eager to Tell Everyone About Her Medical History

September 8, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Taunte Lina, 86, of Chilliwack was devastated to find a sign on the door of a local business saying that they were defying government health orders requiring proof of vaccination and would not […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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