Trump Bans Shipping Any More Mennonite Headscarves to Canada


A leaked White House memo revealed that President Trump had been putting pressure on 3M to stop selling all their Mennonite headscarves to Canada.

“We have to keep those duaks right here in America,” said Trump. “In these trying times we need to put America first and if that means a few Canadian Mennonite women are walking around with their heads uncovered then so be it.”

Prime Minister Trudeau was aghast at the news and promised to look into it.

“I just concluded a very thoughtful and productive conversation with the American President,” said Trudeau. “He’s agreed to release a shipment of duaks so long as we promise to send a cargo ship of desperately needed raisin buns in return. I figured it was a good trade off.”

Canadian Mennonites are taking everything in stride as they wait for their head coverings.

“We’ve taken extra precautions. We don’t let any of the Tauntes lead the prayers until their heads are properly covered,” said Reverend Reimer. “Maybe it’s an overabundance of caution, but you can never be too cautious.”

In the meantime Mennonite women have been covering their heads with bits of material leftover from the MCC quilting fundraiser.

“It’s not as stylish as my regular duak,” said Mrs. Penner of Kleineschanzenfeld, “but it sure beats going around naked.”

Trump is also trying to prevent American companies from exporting their dwindling beer supply, but Canadians all seemed okay to do without American beer.

(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)

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