Pennsylvania Mennonite Man Blows Entire Stimulus Check on Pig’s Head Scrapple


Mr. Ruth, 63, of Akron, Pennsylvania has decided to make the best of a bad situation and has already blown his entire $1200 government stimulus check on scrapple made from pig’s head and offal.

“A windfall like this doesn’t come around very often,” said Mr. Ruth, eagerly digging into the mushy meat. “After much prayer and a lengthy consultation with the church elders I decided it was best to spend it all on Pannhas!”

Many members of the Pennsylvania Mennonite community are praising Mr. Ruth for his remarkably prudent money-handling abilities.

“In these tough times it’s important to keep a tight rein on your pocket book,” said Mr. Landis. “I really think Mr. Ruth made the wise decision here to fill his pantry with mashed-up bits of leftover pig meat.”

Mr. Ruth has not yet received his government check, but has got his finger’s crossed that it will cover the cost of all the scraps of meat and cornmeal he bought on credit.

“Hey, YOLO right? Isn’t that what all the city people and children say?” said Mr. Ruth. “Tonight, we will feast like kings!”

Mr. Ruth was also eager to showcase to his Russian Mennonite friends that Pennsylvania Mennos have even weirder food than they do.

(photo credit: stu_spivack/CC)

Trump Bans Shipping Any More Mennonite Headscarves to Canada
In Trying Times, Americans Always Put Forward Their Very Brightest and Best