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donald trump

Unger the Influence

Musk Steals Church Split Idea from Mennonites

June 10, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After a highly publicized rift with the White House in recent weeks, Elon Musk has finally acknowledged the source of his schismatic idea. “As we all know, I’m not really an ideas man. […]

Unger the Influence

Trump to Reopen Alcatraz to Imprison Canadians

June 5, 2025 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA With the trade war heating up, Donald Trump recently announced he would be reopening Alcatraz with the sole purpose of imprisoning Canadians who’ve hurt his feelings on social media. “Cross the border […]

Unger Games

White House Announces Massive New Tariff on Sydney Crosby

April 11, 2025 Andrew

PITTSBURGH, PA It may have been temporarily paused for now, but this week the White House announced a 87% reciprocal tariff on all penguins, including hockey superstar Sydney Crosby. “Yeah, well I guess this is […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Hope to Dodge Draft in Upcoming Trade War

February 1, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS With a trade war on the horizon, Mennonites across North America are looking for ways to keep out of the whole mess and preserve their pacifist values. “I’m thinking of going to the […]

Unger Suspicion

Gulf of Mexico Becomes Latest Victim of Cancel Culture

January 23, 2025 Andrew

GULF OF MEXICO, MEXICO Americans were outraged this week after it was announced that their beloved Gulf of Mexico was going to have a name change just to appease some liberal snowflakes in Washington. “It’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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