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Month: August 2021

Unger & Thirst

Premier Goertzen Sworn in on a Stack of Perogies

August 31, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s first Russian Mennonite Premier Kelvin Goertzen, MLA for Steinbach, was sworn in a stack of perogies this afternoon. “I learned this technique from Brad Wall,” said Goertzen. “You simply can’t go wrong […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Takes the Tractor to School

August 30, 2021 Andrew

From the archives BLUMENHOFF, MB The Bergmanns of the Blumenhoff area loaded up the Massey Ferguson this morning for the first day of classes at the old Blumenhoff School. “Got the Massey fired up, got […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Man Plans to Review New Miriam Toews Book Without Even Having Read It

August 29, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Even though he has no intention of reading it, local man and avid Danny Orlis reader Mr. Klippenstein, 71, is absolutely certain he knows all there is to know about Miriam Toews’ new […]

Unger Suspicion

Study: 99% of Anti-Vax “Research” Occurs While Taking a Dump

August 28, 2021 Andrew

FARGO, ND A new study shows that the overwhelming majority of anti-vax research occurs whilst the researcher is doing a number two. “We geolocated all the top anti-vax researchers and found almost all of them […]

Unger Games

Amish Win Gold in Olympic Barn Raising Competition

August 27, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN A team of Schwartzenhersbergertruberschmidts swept the medals at the Barn Raising competition at this year’s Olympic Games. “We placed first, second, and third, though that was mostly because the Mennonites failed the drug […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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