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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

April 25, 2026 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Families Sign-Up to Bring Salads, Buns, and Measles to Upcoming Potluck

November 17, 2025 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is inviting everyone to stay after church this Sunday for a delicious potluck, including raisin buns, mashed potatoes, and a delectable array of Jell-o salads and measles. “You’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Suspected of Dancing After Being Scheduled for Hip Replacement

November 10, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Timothy Berg, 70, has been called before the elder board to “explain his actions” after word got out that he’s just been put on the waiting list for a hip replacement. […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Potluck to Feature Delectable Array of Measles

March 29, 2025 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, TX The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is inviting everyone to stay after church this Sunday for a delicious potluck, including roast beef, mashed potatoes, and a delectable array of Jell-o salads and measles. “You’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Surge in Peanut Allergies Has Mennonite Church Handing Out Empty Paper Bags this Christmas

December 24, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After just way too many incidents in recent years, Central Kildonan Mennonite Fellowship has decided the only solution is to hand out empty paper bags to all the kids this Christmas. “We wanted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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