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Month: November 2020

Unger Conviction

New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Include Section on Minor Inconveniences Facing the Modern North American Church

November 30, 2020 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH For centuries Thielman J. van Bright’s 17th century tome Martyrs Mirror or The Bloody Theater has preserved the horrific stories of martyrdom faced by Christians of the past. Now these tales of martyrs being burned […]

Unger Conviction

Area Church Seemingly Doesn’t Realize that God is Not Confined to a Parking Lot

November 29, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB During their services this morning, one church group in Winnipeg and another one on a dirt road in the RM of Hanover have decided to shatter thousands of years of Christian teaching regarding […]

Unger Suspicion

Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach

November 28, 2020 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON With barbecue joints defying health orders and hundreds of partiers caught not social distancing in a storage locker, the community of Etobicoke, Ontario is eagerly seeking to dethrone Steinbach, Manitoba as the “Covid […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Trajchtmoakas Demand the Right to be Called “Doctors”

November 25, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The local Knipsers and Knibblers Union 606 of La Crete is petitioning the Province of Alberta to have Mennonite folk chiropractors (known colloquially as “trajchtmoakas“) classified as “doctors.” “Oba, those medical doctors […]

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