Willy Warkentin Offers 5 Golden Tickets to Visit Cheese Factory


The elusive and mysterious Willy Warkentin will finally come out of hiding after ten long years and plans to offer public tours of his famous cheese factory.

“I have hidden five golden tickets in five packages of cheese curds,” said Warkentin sporting his trademark flamboyant (by Mennonite standards) all black suit and black hat. “If you manage to find a ticket in your bag of Warkentin’s Weally Wet Cheese Curds you and a parent will have a chance to visit the cheese factory and meet an Unger Lumpa.”

Children across the region were frantically buying up cheese curds and even some packages of black truffle cheddar for the parents to try.

“I’ve got to meet an Unger Lumpa!” exclaimed little Charlie Bueckert. “I’ve heard the factory has a river made of mozzarella and wallpaper made of edible marble cheese!”

At the end of the tour, Willy Warkentin plans to give the entire cheese factory to the winning child, which includes a lifetime supply of Warkentin’s Famous Church Basement Cheddar.

“I also hope I get to go up on the great glass elevator,” said Bueckert. “I heard you can press a button and it’ll take you anywhere in the world a Mennonite can possibly imagine. Reinland! Sommerfeld! Even Gnadenthal! It’ll be all my wildest faspa dreams come true.”

Willy Warkentin has not let anyone into the factory for decades after the evil Gord Goertzen of Goertzen’s Gourmet Gouda and Gorgonzola tried to steal all his recipes back in the 80s.

(photo credit: US Department of Agriculture/cc)

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