How to Tell if a Mennonite is Flirting With You

As a young Mennonite man I always had trouble figuring out whether Annie or Martha or Bertha was actually interested in me. Just ask my friend Johan. I used to spend hours pestering him with questions. “Hey, do you think Martha likes me?” And, every time, he would just say, “Oba, Andreas, I have no idea. Why don’t you ask her?” Of course, I couldn’t just ask her. “There must be some clues,” I said.

And so, over the years, I’ve discovered a few tips that will help young Mennonite men discover whether their affection is shared by their Mennonite damsel. I hope you’ll find these tips helpful.

  • She lets you beat her in a game of horseshoes. Let’s face it, the ladies have got the men beat when it comes to playing horseshoes. So, if she mysteriously misses that ringer in the last round of play, you know she did it because she’s got the hots for you.
  • She begs to come with you on the manure spreader. Think about it. No one wants to go on the manure spreader unless they absolutely have to. If she volunteers, you know she’ll be putty in your hands.
  • She lets you see her ankles. Sometime you might find yourself alone with Martha behind the barn and things might get a little frisky. If she lifts her dress up just enough to show off the gorgeous brown nylons on her ankles, you know she’s the one for you.
  • She sits right next to you on your truck’s bench seat. As a good Mennonite, you’re likely driving an old beat up truck with a long bench seat in the front. If Martha comes up with some excuse to snuggle up next to you, rather than sitting next to the passenger window, you know there’s love in the air.
  • Her hand lingers on yours during a game of Dutch Blitz. Mennonites don’t attend movies, so we never have the classic moment where the hands meet in the buttery bag of popcorn. Instead, during a vigorous round of Dutch Blitz you and Martha’s hands may touch. If she allows her hand to linger on yours for more than the usual split second, you know that Martha is a keeper.
  • She adamantly denies that you’re cousins. Even though your names are both in the Reimer Book, Martha might say it really doesn’t count, or that you’re only distantly related, or that “everyone is frintschoft if you go back far enough.” Why say these things unless she was interested in pursuing a relationship with you?
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