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Month: March 2025

Unger the Influence

Progressives Find Themselves in Awkward Position of Having to Say Nice Things About a Banker

March 31, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It came out of nowhere, but left-leaning liberals and progressives across Canada are suddenly huge fans of bankers. Banker-mania is sweeping the nation, some even going so far as sporting Mark Carney-inspired haircuts. […]

Unger the Influence

Doug Ford Accidentally Shuts Off Power to His Own Province

March 30, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Weeks after threatening to shut off the power to several US states, it appears that Ontario Premier Doug Ford has accidentally shut off the power to his own province. “Yeah, ooops, I don’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Potluck to Feature Delectable Array of Measles

March 29, 2025 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, TX The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is inviting everyone to stay after church this Sunday for a delicious potluck, including roast beef, mashed potatoes, and a delectable array of Jell-o salads and measles. “You’re not […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Concerned About Her Stock After Markets Tumble

March 28, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Aganetha Barkman rushed home from the quilting bee this afternoon after hearing on the radio that stocks were crashing. “Not on my watch!” proclaimed Barkman, hopping into her CRV. “I remember […]

Unger Games

Blue Jays Grounds Crew Scrambles to Clean Up All the Friendship Bracelets Remaining from Last Fall’s Taylor Swift Concerts

March 27, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Blue Jays staff have been working overtime getting Rogers Centre in tip top shape for their opening day tilt against the Baltimore Orioles. Most pressing for the staff was cleaning up the hundreds […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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