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pacifism

Unger Suspicion

World’s “Most Powerful Nation” Loses Yet Another War

August 17, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After the Taliban retook Afghanistan in a record-setting fifteen minutes, the glorious nation of the United States of America has once again lost another war they shouldn’t have been waging in the first […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Trashed Entire Neighbourhood When the Canucks Lost Really Upset About a Few Statues Coming Down

July 8, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Dylan Goossen-Schmidt is really upset about the toppling of a few statues in Winnipeg this week, saying that the only justification for property destruction is when your team wins or loses […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour

July 3, 2021 Andrew

FRADLIJCHTHAL, SK A local Mennonite church is coming together this weekend to eat dill pickles and commemorate their long-standing commitment to passive aggressive behaviour. “As one of the historic peace churches, we know that this […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate

June 3, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a controversial hit on Montreal forward Jake Evans last night, Mark Scheifele of the Winnipeg Jets is being brought in front of a Mennonite elder board who will determine his fate. “Mennonites […]

The Daily Bonnet

Warman, Saskatchewan to be Renamed Peaceman

May 25, 2021 Andrew

PEACEMAN, SK City council of Warman, Saskatchewan has voted 4 -2 in favour of renaming the town Peaceman in honour of the town’s pacifist Mennonite community. “For decades our town’s been getting a bad wrap. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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