Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour


A local Mennonite church is coming together this weekend to eat dill pickles and commemorate their long-standing commitment to passive aggressive behaviour.

“As one of the historic peace churches, we know that this pent-up aggression has to come out somehow,” said Pastor Dan, who quickly took the very last pickle before the Ungers had a chance. “I mean, sure, we can resist the urge to throw a punch now and then, but that doesn’t mean we won’t avoid the Ungers when they walk in our direction or that we won’t gossip about their less than impressive tithing record.”

Pastor Dan, standing in front of banner that read Fradlijch Mennonite Church: 150 Years of Greeting You Warmly on Sunday and then Talking Behind Your Back the Rest of the Week, released a dove into the crowd, which symbolized his church’s tradition of peace…and which he had also trained for the last six months to poop precisely onto the Unger family.

“What can I say? These things happen,” said Pastor Dan, covering his smile. “I’m so so very sorry there, Mrs. Unger. Here, let me get one of the Loewens to help you clean that up.”

The afternoon celebration is set to end at 4 pm, after which time everyone will leave and let the Ungers stack the chairs and wash the dishes.

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