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Month: June 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Editorial: Should Steinbach Separate From Canada?

June 30, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB I’ve taken a break from scrolling Tinder while my wife is at Superstore to talk to you about values. Yes, values. I mean the traditional Mennonite values of free-market ‘every man for himself’ capitalism, […]

Unger Suspicion

New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Feature Duck Dynasty Cast Members

June 30, 2016 Andrew

LAMPETER SQUARE, PA Highly revered as a sacred document of Anabaptist martyrdom throughout history, the 17th century book ‘Martyrs Mirror’ is to be updated to include modern martyrdoms like the time the guy from Duck […]

Unger Games

Hospital Entrance to be Converted into Skate Park

June 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As part of a long-term plan to make Steinbach more skateboard-friendly, the local hospital ramp is currently undergoing construction to be converted into a massive skate park. “Increased hospital access for skateboarders is […]

Unger & Thirst

Drones to Deliver Cheese Curds to Area Residents

June 27, 2016 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Significant advancements in drone technology over the past few years has enabled the unmanned aerial vehicles to be used in a wide variety of functions, from military applications to parcel delivery in large […]

Unger & Thirst

Anthony Bourdain Confirms Steinbach is ‘Worth the Trip’

June 26, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In the season finale of his hit CNN series Parts Unknown, famed chef and author Anthony Bourdain visited the small Manitoba city of Steinbach and declared it to be “worth the trip, just like […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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