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Month: June 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Editorial: Should Steinbach Separate From Canada?

June 30, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB I’ve taken a break from scrolling Tinder while my wife is at Superstore to talk to you about values. Yes, values. I mean the traditional Mennonite values of free-market ‘every man for himself’ capitalism, […]

Unger Suspicion

New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Feature Duck Dynasty Cast Members

June 30, 2016 Andrew

LAMPETER SQUARE, PA Highly revered as a sacred document of Anabaptist martyrdom throughout history, the 17th century book ‘Martyrs Mirror’ is to be updated to include modern martyrdoms like the time the guy from Duck […]

Unger Games

Hospital Entrance to be Converted into Skate Park

June 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As part of a long-term plan to make Steinbach more skateboard-friendly, the local hospital ramp is currently undergoing construction to be converted into a massive skate park. “Increased hospital access for skateboarders is […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Attila the Hun was Born Again’ Claims James Dobson

June 28, 2016 Andrew

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO Noted evangelical psychologist and Focus on the Family founder Dr. James Dobson reports he’s pretty sure that feared fifth century tyrant Attila the Hun was a devout Christian the whole time he was pillaging and ransacking […]

Unger & Thirst

Drones to Deliver Cheese Curds to Area Residents

June 27, 2016 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Significant advancements in drone technology over the past few years has enabled the unmanned aerial vehicles to be used in a wide variety of functions, from military applications to parcel delivery in large […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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