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health

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Vaccine’ Causes Quite the Quandary for Mennonite Man

May 22, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Timmy Wiens of Winkler took a break from knacking zoat in front of the Co-op this weekend after learning the provincial government was going to be offering vaccines for everyone in the province. […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos

May 3, 2021 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON After nationwide protests saw a “disturbing” presence of neck tattoos, bleach-blonde hair, and mirrored sunglasses, the Government of Canada issued a new health advisory requiring “all douchey neck tattoos” to be fully […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Maskers Mistake The Forks for Steinbach

April 25, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of pro-plague protestors gathered at The Forks in Winnipeg this afternoon under the mistaken impression they were actually in Steinbach. “Ahh, it’s great to be here in Steinbach again,” said pro-plague leader […]

Unger Suspicion

Edmonton Area Pastor Sworn in as New Alberta Health Minister

April 13, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta’s most popular and respected minister of religion has been given a new title: Minister of Health. “It was only natural that we appoint this recently jailed man as Minister of Health,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Jason Kenney Appointed Sunday School Coordinator at GraceLife Church

April 11, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has decided to set aside some time in his schedule to fill the vacant Sunday School coordinator job at the controversial GraceLife Church. “We’ve got to get to them […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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