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health

The Daily Bonnet

Ditsied Outpaces Jantsied in Race to Get ‘Jeimpft’

July 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Siemens of Winkler has been refreshing the regional vaccine percentage page every few hours or so, trying to see if his Jantsied squad has a chance of catching up with the Ditsieders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Supersite Workers Promise Not to Comment on Your Farmer’s Tan

June 26, 2021 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Workers at southern Manitoba vaccine supersites have been offered three weeks in “sensitivity training” including a full week program on resisting the urge to comment on Mr. Penner’s farmer’s tan. “We know that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Oma Gets ‘Vaxxed’ Just in Time for Summer

June 24, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Oma Kornelsen was a little reluctant to “get vaxxed yet” but was convinced after she saw the wonderful “Brazilian vax” that her daughter Linda got. “I normally don’t get vaxxed,” said Mrs. Kornelsen, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province Issues Warning About New ‘Harry Enns of Concern’

June 22, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB More than a year and a half into the pandemic, there’s a new Harry Enns every few weeks it seems. In Winkler this week, once such Harry Enns just moved into town, which […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Hesitant to Get Vaccine after Learning He’ll Have to Start Attending Church Again

June 12, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The true source of southern Manitoba vaccine hesitancy has finally been discovered. A new survey indicates that fear of having to go to church again is causing a lot of folks in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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