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Month: July 2017

Unger & Thirst

Local Splash Park Offers Unique Way to Beat the Heat this Summer

July 31, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With temperatures soaring above 30 degrees centigrade this summer, the City of Steinbach has announced a revolutionary new plan for residents to beat the heat. The city announced Monday that all the local […]

Unger Conviction

Gossip Masquerades as ‘Prayer Request’ Yet Again This Sunday

July 30, 2017 Andrew

HOCHBACH, MB Mr. Schultz stood up, once again, this Sunday to request prayer for his next door neighbours, Mr. and Mrs. William and Susanna Yoder, whom he overheard yelling and assumed there must be marital […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Poses Topless on the Cover of ‘Manitoba Hog Farmers Weekly’

July 29, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Days after becoming the first Canadian Prime Minister to make the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, Justin Trudeau appeared with his shirt off on cover of Manitoba Hog Farmers Weekly. “I thought I […]

Unger Suspicion

President Trump Announces Huge Increase in Viagra Spending for Soldiers

July 28, 2017 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Just days after tweeting that the United States “could not be burdened” with the $8.4 million a year it would cost to accommodate transgender people in the military, President Trump announced a huge increase […]

The Daily Bonnet

Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German

July 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks. “Only actual bankers will be […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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