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Unger Conviction

Bible Camp Shuts Down After No One Memorizes Enough Verses to Attend

July 2, 2019 Andrew

LITTLE HAPPY MENNO BIBLE CAMP, ON Little Happy Menno Bible Camp in Northern Ontario has had to shut its doors this summer after not enough kids memorized their verses this year. “We kept lowering the […]

Unger Suspicion

King Solomon to Undergo Wisdom Tooth Surgery

May 13, 2019 Andrew

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL King Solomon of Israel is undergoing wisdom tooth surgery this week after a dentist told him “they’re basically useless and your mouth is too crowded as it is.” Solomon claims he was reluctant […]

The Daily Bonnet

Facebook Debate About ‘Eternal Security’ Results in the Condemnation of Millions

April 19, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition. “I just started off by posting a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Falls Way Behind on Her Devotions

March 20, 2019 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mrs. Kehler of North Kildonan is being punished and forced to clean up after the next five faspas when it was discovered that she had not been keeping up with her devotions. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Seminary Student Can’t Figure Out All This German

February 9, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Future Mennonite pastor Dave Unger, a student at the Winkler Anabaptist Seminary, is having real trouble in his New Testament class, especially after students were required to read the text in its original […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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