Mennonite Couple Finally Consummates Marriage on Fifth Wedding Anniversary


After five years of a happy yet celibate marriage, local couple Mary and Henry Funk figured they were finally ready to set their Scrabble board aside and take their relationship to the next level.

“In year one, we were just getting used to each other, you know?” explained Mary. “It took us six long months to be comfortable enough to make direct eye contact. I remember the moment Henry finally mustered up the courage to look me in the eye and smile slightly. It was our second anniversary and it was incredibly romantic.”

Over the years the couple has moved from eye contact, to brief hand-to-hand contact, to full-on hand-holding, and after praying about it for the past five months believe they’re now ready to seal the deal.

“It’s not going to be easy because Henry is awfully shy,” said Mary. “If it were up to me we would have proceeded much quicker. Most of my friends got to where we are by year two or three, so I know we’re behind the 8-ball, so to speak.”

Henry, who reportedly still blushes at the sight of his wife in slippers, says he’s now willing to take the plunge.

“I was always taught to take things slow,” said Henry. “I certainly don’t want to rush into this. I just hope we’re making the right decision.”

The Funks plan to get in the mood by sharing a root beer float and a basket of A&W onion rings.

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