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Unger Conviction

“The Last Shall Be First, and the First Shall Be Last”: Sermon Causes Traffic Jam in Mennonite Town

November 10, 2018 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK Vehicles were backed up for blocks in the small Mennonite town of Martensville this week after Pastor Martens gave a particularly stirring sermon on Matthew 20. “The last shall be first, and the […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’

October 11, 2018 Andrew

LYNDHURST, VA Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Man Survives Three Days and Three Nights in the Belly of a Red River Catfish

September 9, 2018 Andrew

LOCKPORT, MB Local man Jonah Neufeld, 35, of West Kildonan was out fishing at Lockport with his buddies Darrel Froese and Joel Peters this past weekend, when he was suddenly pulled into the Red River […]

Unger Suspicion

Ken Ham and Kent Hovind to Guest Star in Series Finale of ‘The Big Bang Theory’

September 2, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Stars of the literal 6-day creationist world will square off against a bunch of fictional physicists in the series finale of hit sitcom ‘The Big Bang Theory’ later this year. “We’re so excited […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Publisher Releases Extra-Wide Bibles to Keep the Boys and Girls Farther Apart

August 16, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Mennonite Bible Society of Indiana is excited to announce brand new extra-thick Bibles intended to provide extra distance between the boys and girls at summer camp, Sunday School, and other church functions. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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