King Solomon to Undergo Wisdom Tooth Surgery


King Solomon of Israel is undergoing wisdom tooth surgery this week after a dentist told him “they’re basically useless and your mouth is too crowded as it is.” Solomon claims he was reluctant at first, but the dentist assured him the procedure is painless.

“I really hate to lose my wisdom teeth, but, you know, they were causing trouble,” said Solomon. “I guess we’ve gotta yank those suckers.”

Solomon’s surgeon informed the monarch that there would be no noticeable difference in the quality of either the Book of Proverbs or Ecclesiastes after the surgery.

“Even without the teeth, he’ll still be among the wisest people around,” said the dentist. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Still, some have seen a slight decline in the quality of his proverbs.

“Instead of classics like ‘The wise store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin,'” explained one observer, “it’s just full of stuff like ‘The future ain’t what it used to be’ or ‘When you come to a fork in the road, take it.'”

While the removal of the wisdom teeth has seemed to affected Solomon’s writing abilities, experts say it has in no way hindered his attractiveness to his harem of wives and concubines.

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