Local KFC Sees 50% Reduction in Diarrhea After Getting Rid of Taco Bell


Students at Anabaptist Mennonite Theological Seminary in Elkhart have reported a significant reduction in diarrhea cases this semester after the local KFC kicked out the adjoining Taco Bell.

“Quite frankly, it’s a relief,” said local seminarian Kyle Funk-Yoder. “Those Chili Cheese Fries really did a number on my system.”

Funk-Yoder says that thanks to the removal of Taco Bell, he can now concentrate on finishing his thesis on David Augsberger, rather than spending all his time worrying about how his Cheesy Gordita Crunch is going to impact his system.

“It was also never a good idea to start your day with a Triple Double Crunchwrap right before you’re due to preach in your morning homiletics class,” said Funk-Yoder. “I learned that the hard way.”

Despite the early optimism, anecdotal evidence from the student body suggests that dining at KFC is really not any better.

(photo credit: Phillip Pressar/CC)

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