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Month: March 2019

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Landfill to Get their Hands on Some Free Mattresses

March 31, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENBACH, MB Ever since the Blumenbach Landfill announced that they would now be accepting mattresses, Mennonites across the region have been flocking to the site to both discard and acquire these precious items. “Once you […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Awarded Ph.D. in Basket Weaving

March 30, 2019 Andrew

SHARTFIELD, SK While Shartfield Mennonite Bible School has been offering diplomas in basket weaving for decades, Mr. Peter Wiebe has become the first ever to make it all the way to Ph.D. status. “Oba, my […]

Unger Suspicion

Andrew Scheer Sends Everyone in Canada Some Stupid Cat Meme

March 30, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Eager to capitalize on this hip new technology he just discovered called “texting,” Conservative leader Andrew Scheer sent, like, totally everyone in the country a really stupid cat meme he happened to find […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Gets 20 Years in Prison for Stealing A&W Mug

March 29, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A 40-year-old man from Winnipeg was sentenced to twenty years in a maximum security prison this week for stealing an A&W root beer mug back in 1998. “For years it was a cold […]

Unger Suspicion

Poll Shows Reverend Johan’s Schmaunt Fat Party with Commanding Lead Over Trudeau’s Liberals

March 28, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party has been struggling as of late to such a degree that even Donald Trump has a higher approval rating in Canada than the Prime Minister. The poll placed a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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