What started as an innocent conversation between a Mennonite and a Calvinist on “eternal security” quickly became the greatest mass condemnation of people since the Spanish Inquisition.
“I just started off by posting a link to my recent blog on the topic of Predestination,” said Calvinist theologian Brenden Reed of Winnipeg. “It was fine at first, but then Mr. Hiebert lambasted me for my errant exegesis of Romans 8. He said I had it all wrong.”
Hiebert believes that individuals can never know for certain their eternal destination, while Reed believes that people are “once saved always saved” if they happen to be one of the predestined elect.
“I couldn’t believe that idiot thinks like that,” said Hiebert. “He picks and chooses a few verses from Romans without accounting for the entire testimony of Scripture. Based on his logic, you could just say a prayer once when you were five and then forget about God for the rest of your life.”
Hiebert says he eventually got so mad he told Reed to “go to Hell,” to which Reed replied that Hiebert was a “damn fool, along with the rest of the Anabaptists who believed like you do.”
The two eventually decided the other one was doomed along with everyone who saw things as they did.
“I believe in eternal security, but Hiebert surely isn’t one of the elect if he thinks like that,” said Reed.
“The path is narrow,” said Hiebert. “And Mr. Reed there isn’t on it.”
They both ended the conversation certain that they, alone, were the only ones who had any chance of going to Heaven, thus condemning the rest of the humanity to a fiery eternity.