Pastor Drops Five Infants During Last Sunday’s Child Dedication Service


A reverend of a local Mennonite church has been sent on sabbatical after accidentally dropping nearly half a dozen infants in a single child dedication service.

“That Bentley Hiebert is a slippery little scamp,” chuckled Rev. Kroeker. “It’s a good thing his mom has quick reflexes.”

After praying for young Bentley and dedicating him and his parents to raise him up as a child of the King, the six-month old slithered out of the pastor’s hands, as the congregation stood to affirm their commitment to lead godly lives as a model for the child.

“As Anabaptists, we don’t believe in baptizing infants,” said Kroeker. “Still, I feel someone must have got to these kids ahead of time and lathered them up with some kind of liquid.”

After dropping Bentley, the next couple reluctantly handed their young daughter Ashlynn to the jittery minister.

“We were pretty sure it wouldn’t happen again,” remarked Ashlynn’s mother, “but, alas, it did.”

Even so, the Braun family, who were up next, handed their two young children, Benjamin and Lacy, to the pastor, having full faith in their minister’s ability to hold them in his trembling arms.

“I remember thinking, ‘Hey, well, what are the odds that another child gets dropped?'” recalled Susan Braun. “He had one in each arm. He couldn’t possibly drop them both.”

The pastor prayed for safety and protection for the children, and promptly lost his grip, sending the poor babes plummeting to the carpet below.

Last up was little Kevin Yoder, swaddled in a purple and gold Minnesota Vikings onesie.

“I had my eyes open the whole time we were praying,” said Kevin’s father, “and I could see my son slowly slide down the pastor’s torso. He was clinging on by just a toe before I stepped in to rescue my son.”

Finally, the Associate Pastor intervened.

“I just figured enough was enough,” said Associate Pastor Schultz. “How many children need to be dropped before the foam mattress is brought out?”

Fortunately, due to well-padded sanctuary floor, none of the children were seriously hurt, and the offering plates were able to be passed from person to person without a hitch.

Mennonite Couple Names Children After Really Obscure Old Testament Characters
Mennonite Man Declares Himself 'Greater Than Muhammad Ali'