Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Illegal Margarine Lids


Altona police raided Mrs. Friesen’s pantry this past week in what is believed to the West Reserve’s largest ever margarine lid bust.

“I’m innocent!” screamed Mrs. Friesen as she was dragged out of her Railway St. bungalow. “You can’t prove anything!”

Despite the protestations of Mrs. Friesen, it seems the evidence against her is overwhelming.

“She had more Becel margarine lids and Beatrice sour cream lids then any Mennonite woman could use in a lifetime,” said Officer Wiebe. “There’s no way she could claim all these lids were for ‘personal use.'”

The collection of lids also included various Tupperware lids and a few lids taken from Danish cookie tins.

“She’s going to be locked up for a long time in the old Waisenamt building,” said Officer Wiebe. “It’s good to get a margarine lid dealer off the streets.”

Even after her trial and incarceration, Mrs. Friesen plans to control her vast lid dealing empire from behind bars.

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