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margarine

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

April 29, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After months of heated negotiation, Mrs. Eleanor Brandt of Fresno just sold her top margarine container to investor Elon Musk for a record $44 billion. “He took it no questions asked,” said Mrs […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Illegal Margarine Lids

September 29, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona police raided Mrs. Friesen’s pantry this past week in what is believed to the West Reserve’s largest ever margarine lid bust. “I’m innocent!” screamed Mrs. Friesen as she was dragged out of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Puts Her Name on Margarine Container to Make Sure She Gets it Back

July 13, 2021 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB After having experienced a number of traumatic situations where she didn’t get her used margarine containers back, Mrs. Penner of Grunthal made sure to carefully write her name on each and every container […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Mom Super Excited About Her Brand New Set of ‘Mennonite Tupperware’

June 22, 2020 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Area mom Linda Doerksen, 34, was absolutely pumped when Mrs. Martens dropped off a set of Mennonite Tupperware including three freshly-rinsed margarine containers, two slightly-used cottage cheese containers, and four totally-empty sour cream […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers $1,000,000 in Deceased Grandma’s Margarine Containers

July 8, 2017 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Area woman Rebecca Rempel was helping to clean up her recently deceased grandmother’s house, when she made a discovery that changed the course of her life forever. On the upper floor of Grandma Rempel’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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