Mennonite Woman Attends Funerals Just for All the Free Food


Mrs. Doerksen has a busy funeral schedule this week attending all the funerals of people with whom she had only marginal acquaintance.

“It’s a good place to stock up on cheese curds and rolled up slices of processed ham,” said Mrs. Doerksen. “I always make sure to bring plenty of freezer bags along with me.”

Mrs. Doerksen already has funerals scheduled for Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday afternoon this week, which will save her more than $200 on her grocery budget.

“I heard Mr. Klassen passed. I think I met him once in the aisle at the MCC. I better go to that funeral,” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Oh, and Mrs. Unger? I know her daughter’s friend’s cousin’s dentist. Better go to that funeral as well!”

Mrs. Doerksen is really hoping things don’t go so well for the ailing Wiebe sisters so that she can fill her fridge with sugar cubes and real butter.

“Some people do their shopping at Sobey’s or whatever,” said Mrs. Doerksen. “I call them suckers. If you want to get fed, you’ve gotta be prepared to do a little mourning.”

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