Canada-Wide Rogers Golden Syrup Outage Stretches on for Hours


Mennonites across the country were without Rogers Golden Syrup for more than five hours on Monday.

“It’s a good thing it’s not a weekend when demand for Rogers Golden Syrup peaks,” said Doris Reimer of Altona. “It was bad enough as it is. I had to eat dry roll kuchen all day!”

Without access to the broadband Rogers Golden Syrup network, Mennonites had to resort to their old methods.

“I used corn syrup. Even some Aunt Jemima’s,” said Reimer. “I survived, but it just wasn’t the same.”

By the early evening Rogers Golden Syrup access was restored for most Canadian Mennonites.

“I’m not sure I could have lasted much longer,” said Reimer. “My Henry was so starved for want of syrup that he was requesting an extra meddachschlop, and there’s no way that was going to happen.”

While Rogers Golden Syrup has been restored, reports out of Plum Coulee suggest there still is an ongoing schmaunt fat outage.

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